


moonlight// instagram

by eversincehesx



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Graphic Description of, Happy Ending, M/M, Panic Attack, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Photographer Louis, Pictures, Self-Hatred, Social Media, a lot of pictures?, and all that metaphorical slash poetic cheesiness, everything's in small case if you cant already tell haha, harry's the moon, idk what is harry haha science major?, instagram au, it literally takes 20 minutes to read?? idk why im telling you that, louis' the sea, mentions of suicide and self harm, ok for trigger warnings, ok hope you enjoy :)), past homophobia, veeery minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2019-10-28 04:30:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 84
Words: 26,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17780594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eversincehesx/pseuds/eversincehesx
Summary: the green-eyed one was like the moon, shining bright and lighting up the world, never showing anyone it's dark side. the blue-eyed one was like the sea, deep and dark, full of secrets.





	1. prologue

♒⚓ 

louis tomlinson is the little one with the sad blue eyes, the one who practically lived behind the lenses of his camera, capturing his emotions in black and white photographs of anything and everything. The blue eyes had no interest in living life, that is until they looked into the green eyes of life itself.

☾   

 


	2. louist_28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little background  
> It begins in Doncaster, England. Louis Tomlinson is a high school student, living in the shadows, he's depressed because of a rough past. There's only one thing he's passionate about and that is photography. He photographs, every and anything, in black and white and posts them on his Instagram page, for no particular reason, gaining a good amount of followers. All he has ever posted on the page has been black and white, sad photography with even sadder captions. He graduates and moves to Manchester in hopes of escaping his past. 
> 
> Small-town boy Harry Styles is that source of positivity everyone needs in their life once in a while. But, deep down, Harry's soul was broken too, he knew that; no one else did. How was anyone to figure out, with his eyes and smile shining brighter than the stars. Harry has a façade, walls built high. 
> 
> But, the darkness, he cracked the walls, letting the moon's light seep through, and he could finally see.
> 
> Note  
> The pictures, manips, captions, and quotes I use in this book are NOT mine, at least not most of them. All credits go to the owners. I got them off Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, and Instagram. Some of the pictures and captions ARE mine, and I'll let you know which ones they are. Also, I'm aware there's an actual louist_28 page on Instagram but I really wanted the username so I edited it on, if you're the owner reading this, sorry for stealing your username, thank you.   
> Just to make it easier for you, I'd recommend clicking 'Entire Work' right now ;)
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Self Hatred, Homophobia, Death, Abuse, Cursing. They're really mild, (except the panic attack thing), but fair warning if you're uncomfortable with mention of those things.
> 
> Hope you enjoy my lil creation :))  
> Love.


	3. one

**24 September 2015**

❤  6,098 likes    **  
**

**louist_28**  The darkness trapped me, consumed me, so the darkness I became.

**View all 772 comments**

**username 1**  artsy ❤

 **username 2**  the caption 

 **username 3**  asdfghjkl

_28 minutes ago_


	4. two

**3 October 2015**

❤ 5,089 likes

 **louist_28**  If you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, my friend, because I too, am fluent in silence.

**View all 206 comments**

**username 1**  just tell me where

 **username 2** mY fRiEnD

 **username 3** I'd annoy you so much, you'd just HAVE to tell me to shut the fuck up

_1 hour ago_


	5. three

**10 October 2015**

****

❤ 7,123 likes  **  
**

**louist_28**  We ignored the truth for temporary happiness.

**View all 608 comments**

**username 1** the caption thooo

 **username 2** why does that look like a haunted place? 

 **username 3**   **username 2**  ikr lou get out of there

_40 minutes ago_


	6. four

**25 October 2015**

****

❤ 1,879 likes

**louist_28**  He stopped looking  
both ways before   
crossing the street;

he stopped wearing   
his seatbelt in the car,  
and  he stopped counting  
the pills before he took them.

Now, he wasn't trying  
to kill himself, no,   
but he did not stop caring  
about whether he lived  
or not.

**View all 290 comments**

**username 1**  sTOP

**username 2**  please, please, stay strong love

**username 3 louist_28**  are you okay? like really okay? xx

_20 minutes ago_


	7. five

**30 October 2015**

****

❤ 7,890 likes

**louist_28**  maybe, just maybe, this time I won't die.

**View all 500 comments**

**username 1**  yes, you won't. there's always hope.

**username 2**  where ya off to??

**louist_28**   **username 2**  manchester

_30 minutes ago_


	8. six

**8 November 2015**

❤ 5,607 likes

**louist_28**  I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had    
When people run in circles it's a very very  
Mad world, mad world  

**View all 509 comments**

**username 1**  asjkhl one of my fave songs

**username 2**  it is indeed, a mad world

**username 3** did he like move to manchester?

_45 minutes ago_


	9. seven

**23 November 2015**

❤ 9,879 likes

 **louist_28**  Hope lies to mortals and most believe it.

**View all 790 comments**

**username 1** what happened?

 **username 2**  but it's real

 **username 3** "hope is the only thing stronger than fear"

_51 minutes ago_


	10. eight

**6 December 2015**

❤ 2,509 likes 

 **louist_28**  Depression is not feeling sadness,  
Depression is feeling empty.  
In fact, it's not feeling at all.   
It's. just. void. 

**View all 360 comments**

**username 1**  wish more people understood that

 **username 2**  Be strong, babe

 **username 3 username 2**  it's not that easy

_34 minutes ago_


	11. nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> louis and harry meet for the first time.

****

**20 December 2015**

louis was seated among the two-feet high grass of the local park, watching the peaceful and serene sunset. the sun had completely disappeared below the horizon, leaving just a few trails of its light in the evening winter sky. louis had his camera in his hands, waiting for the colors to mix up and for nature to create the perfect scenery he'd been waiting to capture in a photograph. 

he positioned and focused the camera, losing himself in his passion. he had invested his whole heart and soul into photography; it was his only joy in this world, his hobby, the only thing he could say he truly loved. it was the only thing that made him proud of himself. 

he pressed down on the button, capturing a few photographs and then positioning it differently. occupied by angling the camera to get the perfect shots, he doesn't the notice the tall figure walk into the scenery he'd been capturing.

once he clicks them, he finds them in his gallery hoping to see a scenic photograph of the beautiful sunset before him, only to find it had been blocked by the person standing before it. he looks up to see someone standing there, his head tilted to look at the sky.

louis runs up to the figure, "you! yes you, how dare you walk into my picture like that?! can you not see that-"

he turns around, looking a bit confused, "oh, i'm so sorry, so sorry. i didn't quite see you there, tiny" he speaks, his voice deep and accented and a small smirk on his face.

louis scowls at him, "you fucker, how dare you! first, you walk into my picture and then you have the nerve to call me tiny?! dumbfuck, asshole-" louis mutters a string of profanities at the curly haired boy who watches louis with an amused smile on his face.

"what the hell are you staring at now? go away" louis rolls his eyes, getting more annoyed by curly with each passing second.

"oh, uhm, nothing- just that, you look kinda cute swearing off like that," he tells him with a shrug and a cheeky smile. "anyway, i'm sorry. i just wasn't looking and i ruined your photo, i'm sorry" he says running his fingers clad in multiple rings through his curls.

it was then that louis registered his striking features. a mop of curly hair, falling slightly past his ear, green emerald like eyes that seemed to make you want to stare into them forever, prominent cheekbones, a sharp and edgy jawline, deep craters on both sides of lips the color of rose petals, which were now curved into a smile, that might be the most beautiful thing louis has ever seen in his life. his tall posture was dressed in a beige sweater, black jeans clinging like second skin to his firm thighs, boots, an awkwardly twisted bandanna holding back the unruly curls and a bag hanging from his right shoulder. louis realized he'd been staring too long so clearing his throat, he mutters a 'whatever' and turns to walk away.

"hey, never seen you around before?" curly calls after him.

"maybe you were too self-absorbed even then to notice" louis shoots back.

"someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed" curly mutters under his breath.

what the hell is he going on about? we met two minutes ago, louis wonders. he stops, turning back around to reply loudly, "You don't even know me, curly, we just met for god's sake"

and little did you know, curly, that when you had a life like louis', there was no good side of the bed.

"so, you're just a mean person then," he says, taking a few steps closer, pursing his lips in a way that could almost pass a pout, which completely drove away any thoughts of calling him a judgemental prick from louis' mind.

"ouch, i'm offended" louis replies instead, giving him an unbothered look. "look, curly, you're uhm, nice and all but i've got no time for chit chat, alright, so i'll get going now" louis says, turning around once again and beginning to walk away but curly runs up to him, after a moment.

"wait, don't go" he says, making louis lift an eyebrow at him. "uhm, let's be friends" he smiles and louis' eyebrow raises higher, "i'm harry"

"i'm potter" louis childishly jokes.

harry's face twists into confusion, "what?"

"what? i thought we were playing kindergarten here" louis replies shrugging and rolling his eyes, "i don't do friendships, harry"

"what would you rather _do_ then?" his rosy lips morph into a cheeky smirk, eyes dancing with glee.

louis widens his eyes with a sigh, earning a loud laugh from the taller boy, the sound a heavenly melody to his ears. it seemed to compel louis to look up into his emerald eyes and say, "louis tomlinson"

"harry styles" he replies before his eyes flick to louis' camera and monopod, "so, louis, you're like, a photographer, eh?" 

"nope, i'm in uni" louis decides to give him a proper answer for once.

"really? you don't look like it" he replies", tiny" louis narrows his eyes up at a smiling harry before he begins to walk away again. 

harry runs behind him, "hey, wait up, stop running away, i'm sorry" he says with a grin.

"you want a friendship, curly?" louis points a finger in his face, "rule number one; never and i mean ever, call me tiny, you get it?"

harry gives him another cheeky smile, "aye, aye, captain" he touches his hand to his head in a salute. louis tries to be annoyed at him but can't help the giggle from escaping him at his adorable stature.

louis wondered who was this boy with the dazzling eyes and the breathtaking smile? why did he want said 'friendship' with him? and most importantly, how in the world did he  _already_  have louis fucking  _giggling_?

-

the thought of the green-eyed stranger he'd encountered yesterday was driving louis crazy. he hadn't stopped thinking about him since. random conversation, a few laughs and more flirting was exchanged as they'd walked around the park for some time. louis smile hadn't left his face all evening and even after harry received a phone call from his mother screaming her head off at something and had to run off. his cheeks hadn't ached from smiling and laughing in years and it was a good feeling.

louis didn't have his number or address except that he lived a few blocks down the park with his mum and sister and that he was a science major at the same university as louis. he'd even looked him up on the internet but it seemed curly didn't have social media- or he lied about his full name.

louis sighed entering a local coffee shop he had come to, (because it was one of those rare days when he felt like treating himself) since his usual starbucks shop was closed. he notices it's pretty clear as he walks up to the barista and places his order of a vanilla latte with caramel cream instead of his usual mocha cappuccino. 

the barista handed him the steaming cup and he immediately wrapped his palms around it to warm them. he turns to walk towards the door that he came through but walks into a wall. no, a body.

"oops" he hears a voice- a familiar voice and his head whipped up to find the green eyes that had kept him up all night, that he'd been yearning to see, looking down into his own. he steps back from him. 

"hi" he breathes out, and harry gives him a smile, that smile, that shone like the moonlight.

(this was the day louis believed in fate.)


	12. ten

**23 December 2015**

❤ 8,347 likes

 **louist_28**   votre âme est un paysage choisi

**View all 570 comments**

**username 1** it means 'your soul is a chosen landscape/passage', you're welcome

 **username 2** oh mon dieuclaire de lunej'aime ce poème

_59 minutes ago_


	13. eleven

**27 December 2015**

****

❤ 8,006 likes

 **louist_28**  All it takes is a beautiful smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are. 

**View all 680 comments**

**username 1**  i do, i do notice and i need you to sit down and tell me everything and then i wanna give you a big, tight hug until it's all okay.

 **username 2**  same

 **username 3**  time. time is all it takes, love.

_56 minutes ago_


	14. twelve

**1 January 2016**

❤ 1,876 likes  **  
**

**louist_28**  2am; where do i begin?  
crying again, like every night.  
the silent sound of loneliness.

before i go to bed  
the loneliness takes my heart again,  
it will stay and hold me till i fall asleep.

where there once was love,  
there's only me and the lonely right now.  
can the lonely take the place of you?  
broken pieces,  
i'm a ghost of a person i want to be most,  
i'm the shell of a person that i used to know well.

**_Comments are disabled._ **

_20 minutes ago_


	15. thirteen

**26 January 2016**

❤ 11,237 likes

 **louist_28** My mind is a prison, my heart, and soul, it's tortured, broken prisoners and I, a dark abyss.

**View all 860 comments**

**username 1**  i'm really concerned, are you ok fr?

 **username 2**  shit 

_34 minutes ago_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> caption by me :))


	16. fourteen

**7 February 2016**

****

❤ 9,478 likes  

 **louist_28**  Even if I grew wings and escaped, I would still be a hostage of my own mind.

**View all 690 comments**

**username 1**  it's scary how many people relate to his captions

 **username 2**  i hate how true this is

_39 minutes ago_


	17. fifteen

**20 February 2016**

❤ 4,465 likes 

 **louist_28**  if i sit in the rain,   
maybe i can drown in something,  
other than,  
my thoughts.

**View all 108 comments**

**username 1**  the only thing i find peace in

 **username 2**  that is ONE aesthetic picture!

 **username 3**  It's honestly been 384798 years since it rained where I live

_23 minutes ago_


	18. sixteen

**1 March 2016**

❤ 6,089 likes

 **louist_28** you are an exquisite piece of poetry, and i'm just learning the alphabet.

**View all 589 comments**

**username 1**  the caption ahsjkhl that is sooo fckn cute holy shit

 **username 2**  "you" ???? 

 **username 3**  the rings tho

_1 hour ago_


	19. seventeen

**12 March 2016**

❤ 998 likes

 **louist_28**  reminds me of being a kid... 

**View all 40 comments**

**username 1** it's good to remember sometimes

 **username 2** aw kiddo

_12 minutes ago_


	20. harrystyles

harrystyles

__


	21. eighteen

**14 March 2016**

**tagged:**  louist_28

❤  **1 like**

 **harrystyles**  cz he made me make this acc :D

 **louist_28**  no, i didn't harold

_8 minutes ago_


	22. nineteen

**15 March 2016**

**tagged:**  _zayn.m_, theliampayne, irxshmxfo

❤ 4 likes

 **harrystyles**  my wonderful friends

 **_zayn.m_**  dELETE

_36 minutes ago_


	23. twenty

**21 March 2016**

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **12** **,164 others**

**View all 945 comments**

**username 1**  u have a pretty hand

 **username 2**  oml my brother has the same wrist tattoo

 **username 3**  BUT GUYS, WE'RE JUST IGNORE THE FACT THERE'S THAT SLIGHT COLOR IN THE PICTURE AND HE'S LIKE NEVER POSTED IN COLOR BEFORE????  
_154 likes_

 **username 4**  ^^ and no depressed caption??  
_23 likes_

_56 minutes ago_


	24. twenty-one

**22 March 2016**

****

 ❤ 956 likes

 **louist_28**  he is like the moon; magnificent and dazzling- but a part of him was always hidden away.

**View all 179 comments**

**username 1**  so beautiful

 **username 2**  i cant tell whether he's talking about himself or the person from the picture before.

 **username 3 username 2** hoLY SHIT

_8 minutes ago_


	25. twenty-two

**5 April 2016**

 

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **1** **,589 others**

 **louist_28**  I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone  
I long for that feeling to not feel at all  
The higher I get, the lower I'll sink  
I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.    

**View all 697 comments**

**username 1**   ❤

 **username 2**  holy wow

 **username 3**  can you feel my hearttt

_17 minutes ago_


	26. twenty-three

**29 April 2016**

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **1** **4,845 others**

 **louist_28**  Is it so wrong? That you make me strong.

**View all 2,436 comments**

**username 1**  evrything's right

 **username 2** awee

_30 minutes ago_


	27. twenty-four

**13 May 2016**

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **10** **,378 others**

 **louist_28**  It's 'ray of hope'. But it's also 'ray of sunshine'. That means 'hope' is 'sunshine'?  
                     No wonder my skies are always grey.

**View all 1,006 comments**

**username 1**  not necessarily but yeah

 **username 2**  that's a whole another way of looking at it but :/

 **harrystyles**  but grey skies are the prettiest. and i love grey skies.  
_201 likes  •  Liked by louist_28_

_43 minutes ago_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by my friend, you know who you are :))


	28. twenty-five

**30 May 2016**

Liked by  **_zayn.m_** ,  **louist_28**  and  **8 others.**

 **harry_styles**  times by the sea are always so amazing.

_2 hours ago_


	29. twenty-six

**30 May 2016**

****

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **9,789**   **others**

 **louist_28**  Some days,  
I feel everything at once,  
Other days,  
I feel nothing at all.

I don't know what's worse;  
Drowning beneath the waves,  
Or dying from the thirst.

**View all 853 comments**

**username 1**  when you think about it feeling everything at once.

 **harrystyles**  learning to swim.  
 _❤ 199 likes_

 **username 3**   **harrystyles**  aweeee

 **username 4 harrystyles**  an intellectual

_39 minutes ago_


	30. twenty-seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "have you ever been in love?"

**20 June 2016**

louis hadn't expected any of it to happen. he hadn't expected zayn to drag him to some random, famous footie player from their uni, neil or nate or nick's saturday house party, along with the rest of the group. being pretty sure about absolutely hating the place, he, obviously, hadn't expected to actually enjoy it, making his way through the night playing beer pong with zayn, niall and liam and dancing with strangers. and not that he hadn't wanted it to happen for quite some time, he certainly hadn't expected to be kissed by harry styles. 

knowing more than half the students studying in the school meant harry was a busy boy at parties. he'd giggled something about having 'a social reputation to uphold' and gotten lost somewhere in the crowded house pretty fast so louis hadn't gotten a chance to see him much, save for the cheeky grins and winks harry sent his way every time they made eye contact.  

he'd had a tall boy trying (and failing) to flirt with him when he spotted the head of curls through the glass door, sitting on the steps to the frontyard, unaccompanied for the first time in the evening. he'd excused himself quickly and made his way through the throng of sweaty dancing bodies and past the door and seated himself on the step beside harry. even in the dark, louis could tell from the way his curls haphazardly fell around his face, his baby blue shirt crumpled and held together by just two buttons, the redness in his cheeks and hazy, bloodshot eyes that he was very, very drunk.

"no more socializing to do, curly?" he teased and made the younger boy slowly turn to him.

"seems to me like you're really the one making friends here, tiny" harry slurred, speech at an even slower speed than his usual, sober pace.

"aww harold, are you jealous?" louis cooed.

"jealous? psshh" he rolled his eyes, "i've made friends too!"

"oh, have you now?" louis smirked and leaned against the wall behind him.

"why, tell him mr blue-y, of all the fun we've had!" harry childishly exclaimed at the mini bottle of 'WKD' that, louis hadn't noticed before, he had clutched in his hands. "you know, it reminds me of you. it's tiny and blue-y, just like you!" he held it out for both of them to see.

louis just scoffed, rolled his eyes and ignored the heat coursing through him. "you're absolutely stoned, h" he laughed.

"and what about it?" he challengingly lifted a brow and leaned forward. 

"nothing" louis smiled.

harry shrugged, wrapped his lips around the mouth of the bottle and tipped his head back, his throat bobbed as he chugged the alcohol in one shot. louis watched, eyes wide, mouth dry, stomach hot and heart racing.

he pulled the bottle away from his mouth and set it down by his feet. louis solely, one hundred percent blames whatever little amount of alcohol present in his system in that moment for making him say what he said next, "how does- how do... i taste?" he asked in a low voice before he bit his bottom lip.

it was pretty dark, but not enough to miss the dark, intense sort of glint in harry's eyes as they made contact with louis'. "delicious" he smirked and obnoxiously swiped his tongue from one end of his lips to the other.

one moment louis was nodding and slightly bowing his head to break the eye contact and the next harry's face was mere centimeters from his, bright green eyes bored into his, breath fanned louis' cheeks, plump pink lips twisted into a smirk.

"wanna taste?" harry whispered, as his hand traveled to rest on louis' waist. 

before louis could even begin to so much as think of a reply, harry's lips were on his, pinning him back against the wall. his brain said otherwise while his body seemed to move on its own, as his hands found their way to harry's curls and lips moved against his. the way harry's tongue enveloped his and their mouths fit together like they were made for each other, the taste and smell of fruit and vodka in harry's mouth, the amount of passion, the intensity, just the pure want that coursed between them as their hands tugged at each other to be even, impossibly closer, made louis believe that he'd really ascended to heaven. 

the alarm bells in his head only went off when they'd pulled apart for breath and harry was staring at him with a dopey smile. harry, however, hadn't seemed to have the same train of thoughts as he leaned back in so louis, very reluctantly, had to place one palm his chest to stop him.

"think we've had one too many for the night, right, h?" he asked with his still heavy breath. "let's-let's go home, yeah?"

he pouted for a moment before he shrugged and nodded with a smile. every thing that happened after that- how he managed to get both himself and harry off the floor and out of the overcrowded house or how he managed to walk a stumbling, nonsensical harry all the way to his house, and quietly up the stairs and under the warm covers or how he managed to get himself back to his apartment- is mostly a blur since his mind wouldn't stop going haywire.

(well, if there was one memory that was certainly clear in his mind, it was that of a barely open- eyed harry snuggled under a thin, white duvet, holding his hand and asking him to "lou, stayyy". louis hadn't thought saying "not tonight, love" before leaning down to kiss the curly boy's forehead and letting go of his hand with a squeeze could ever be so painful.

"goodnight, h" he'd whispered.

"night, lou" he heard a mumble in reply. he knew harry was asleep before he even turned around.)

there was one more thing louis hadn't expected- for harry to blatantly avoid him for three days after that night.

it had been three days of harry not even meeting his eyes, shying away from a slightest touch from him, making up excuses not to be left alone with him as if even the thought scared him. just three days. might not sound like much, but for two people who seemed to be spending every waking second with each other, they were three whole days. and feelings be damned, harry was still his very bestest friend, so he couldn't really be blamed for feeling a bit like he was going crazy.

all of his previous efforts having been in vain, he almost doesn't try again while the four of them exit the gates of their university headed towards their homes, niall missing for god knows what reason, lead by zayn and liam due to lack of space on the sidewalk, the two of them walked side by side, with harry as far away from him as possible, until he does.

"hey" louis says quietly.

"hi" harry replies, gazing at the clouded sky above, looking to pour any second. zayn and liam paid no mind to them, engaged in some chatter of their own.

not knowing when his time would come to an end, he doesn't hesitate to say, "we need to talk?"

"we are" harry says, still not looking at him.

"harry..."

the taller boy finally looks down at him, sighs and stops walking before latching his fingers around louis' wrist. "hey guys" he says, louder making zayn and liam turn around, "you guys, uh, go on, we um, forgot we had something... to do" he stutters.

zayn responds with a nod, but louis doesn't miss the way his eyes linger on their joined hands with the smallest smile on his lips. "cool, see ya" he tugs on liam's hand and they continue on their way. 

harry starts walking and louis lets himself be lead off the sidewalk, through an opening in the bushes and to the nearest tree onto which harry leans, letting his hand go. he crosses his arms across his chest, looking at louis with a completely blank expression, "talk"

louis shrugs, "you're the one who should be doing the talking, you're the one ignoring me"

"i'm not"

"you are, harry!" louis says, stepping closer, "you have been for the past three days. and why? because we had a stupid, drunk kiss? i didn't think you'd even remember that, but really it's really not a big deal, harry" he rolls his eyes. lies.

harry flinches visibly, directing his stony gaze to the grass, jaw painfully tensed. he stays silent for so long, louis thinks he's not even going to reply. when he finally does, it's with a wavering voice, "that" he looks back up, pure hurt in his green eyes this time, "that was the reason i didn't want to talk about it. i knew you'd say something like that, just didn't know if i could hear you saying that. but you've said it now anyway, so doesn't matter after all" 

"harry, i don't understand. what are you talking about?"

"yeah, you're the most oblivious person on this planet, louis, couldn't expect you to" he retorts. he shakes his head, sighing, "look, i'm sorry for avoiding you or whatever, i just-... sorry" he lets his arms fall by his sides, pushing himself off the tree to walk away.

louis extends an arm between them to stop him, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"nothing, louis"

louis takes another step closer, shaking his head, "something's seriously wrong here, h. and you know you can tell me"

his jaw flexes, "what, louis, what do you want me to tell you?!" he almost shouts, the outburst surprising louis, "do you want me to tell you that i couldn't hear you say that our kiss meant nothing to you because it hurts? it hurts so fucking much! do you want me to tell you it hurts because i'm in fucking love with you?" he yells, a single tear slipping down his cheek, while louis couldn't do anything but stand here with his jaw slack and mind numb, "or do you want me to tell you that i want to tell you that i'm sorry for kissing you but i can't because that's all i've wanted and i just lost it all that night, i can't because there's not one thing about it that i would take back" he says, voice slightly lowered now, wiping at his eyes.

louis felt like he'd been hit a hurricane of emotions. at the same time, like his mind and body had gone icy numb, like his soul at had been sucked out and thrown into oblivion.

"harry, i" he shakes his head, his mouth just opens and closes, refusing to form actual words, "i'm-"

"don't even try to say it back louis, because i know you don't want to, just- i'm sorry, okay? i couldn't keep it any longer and it was killing me, i just- i really don't know what to say right now and" he look up at louis, eyes distraught. like his whole life had been destroyed and shattered right before his eyes. "i'm sorry" his voice cracks, sending pain onto every inch of louis' broken heart.

unable to bear seeing harry like this or compose words, there was only more thing louis knew how to do- he just turned around and ran. ran and didn't look back, ignoring the shouts of his name behind him. ran, like a coward, away from his problems, like he always did.

he ran straight back to his apartment and to the dirty, tattered mattress of his squeaky bed. he wanted to punch himself and cry, in both a sad and happy way.

it was no secret that louis felt the same way about harry. curly had him falling, fascinated and struck, since day one. even though he'd tried not to, he'd tried to keep his distance from the start, but harry was literally some sort of irresistible magic. he wasn't sure he remembered what feelings even were before this wonderful boy had stepped into his life and now here he was, feeling warmth in his heart every time he looked into harry's bright green eyes, feeling butterflies in his stomach every time he heard harry's delightful laugh, feeling tingles every time his skin so much as brushed against harry's. it seemed like his mind, his heart, his soul his whole life was just harry, harry and harry.

but that was the damn problem. he had actually begun to truly care about someone, so much that he was willing to do anything for him. and he was scared. utterly fucking terrified. he feared love and all the pain it brought with it.

(he'd loved for the first time- his mother had still left him to fight his own way through the world at ten years old. and no, he knew there was no one to blame for it, yet sometimes, he couldn't help but think maybe, just maybe, if he didn't love her so much, each time the words "aggressive form of blood cancer" were said, each time waiting for his parents to get home from the doctor's appointment, each time outside the operating theater, each day watching her get weaker, paler, sicker and each passing day without her wouldn't have hurt him so much that they almost killed him sometimes.

he'd loved for a second time- his father still returned drunk at dark hours after every successful trade of drugs and bruised him, in every way, still threw him onto the streets at just seventeen on learning of his sexuality. 

he'd loved for a third time- calvin had still fucked over fifteen years of their friendship over some stupid bet made in high school. 

in between moving from place to place, job to job, one one-night stand to the other, he'd miraculously found it for the fourth time- brendan had still cheated on him for months.

he didn't know if he had anymore in himself.)

all his life, he'd lived thinking himself incapable of love and emotion. thinking that maybe him and 'love' weren't meant for each other because everyone and everything he had ever 'loved' had been destroyed bringing him nothing but pain and suffering, enough to last him a whole lifetime. or, thinking that maybe he, himself was the issue here after all.

it wasn't even that he thought harry would break his heart, he could almost trust harry with his whole life. that boy was the kindest, most caring, liveliest, a literal ray of sunshine of a human being he'd ever met. if anything, it was rather himself he was afraid of for hurting harry. 

it wasn't long before bitter tears began streaming down his face. he couldn't get the picture of devastation formed on harry's face off his mind and it completely broke him that he was the dauber.

there was a person out there who actually, genuinely gave a fuck about louis. and he did too. yet his cowardly, worthless, pathetic self wouldn't allow him a chance at happiness. it was like he was the architect of his own misery. his own hell. and he absolutely hated himself for that.

on the other hand, harry's heart ached with regret. why couldn't he keep it together for one fucking second? why couldn't he just keep his damn mouth shut? how could he even think about the possibility of louis reciprocating the feelings for someone like harry? what did he think, kissing him and then yelling out all his feelings at louis would somehow magically change that? 

maybe, a tiny voice inside him said. well then, an annoying, ugly, stupid lovesick fucking idiot, that's what he was, his conscience replied.

he couldn't believe that he had actually begun to trust and care for someone. the thing about louis was that he believed that he was unworthy of love because he blamed himself for all the pain his loved ones had given him. but harry knew, deep within the crevices of his broken soul, there was a part of louis that wanted to love and be loved. he knew it because he'd seen it. the feeling on seeing the tiny moments of happiness on louis' face, especially when he was the reason for them, was beyond words.

the endless questions and thoughts were driving him crazy and as a result, he tries calling louis, which he doesn't answer. he tries again and again but to no avail. when he hears the beep for the fourth time, he speaks into the voicemail.

"hey lou..." his shaky voice sounded throughout his bedroom, "you probably don't even wanna talk to me after... everything. i really don't know what came over me, i just- i've wanted to tell you for the longest time, lou, i couldn't take it anymore and i just lost myself and-" his voice cracked, tears welling up in his eyes, "i-i love you, louis. i have from the day i met you. you are like the light in the darkness, and there's just something about you... you're the most amazing person i've ever met. you just make me so happy, and- i've never felt like this with anyone. and i don't know, lou, you just give me... life. god that was so fucking cliché" he smiles through his tears as he imagines louis giving off a snarky comment at that, "and i'm sorry, lou, you didn't deserve to have all my feelings thrown at you like that- i'm sorry for that" the tears escaped his eyes as he spoke, "i'm really fucking pushing my limits here and i don't know how or if we can ever get past this but i need us to, because i can't lose you lou, i need you. asking you to just forget about this would probably be the dumbest thing ever, but i- i need you in my life, i don't care as what, please i-" he whispers the last part as the voicemail hits the one minute mark and cuts off. 

on pressing the shut off button to his phone, he realises the lengths he was willing to go for this man. there was one thing that harry absolutely hated, and that was feeling vulnerable. feeling exposed and open for people to know his weaknesses, his flaws, his deepest fears, the thoughts that kept him up at night. which was probably why he'd built up walls around him, so strong and so tall, that sometimes even he couldn't see where they ended. 

yet, louis had somehow, gotten past through all those layers of harry, that he had once thought unbreakable but he didn't mind one bit. with louis, from the very first moment, he'd wanted to give himself over completely, every single bit of him. maybe it was because louis was the one person who seemed to understand his very soul and accept it like it was. he didn't know the reason but what he did know was that the only thing he wanted was to be worthy of louis' love.

and the uncertainty of whether the blue eyed angel he fancied felt the same or not was almost killing him.

(damn that little flicker of hope still burning in the pit of his stomach.)

louis felt more like shit with every passing second. all he wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry some more and go back to wallowing in his darkness. he was beginning to think his life was better without harry, when he was just sad, pathetic, invisible louis.

but then he listened to harry's voicemail and, good lord, the lad had never known such pain, so immense and unbearable.

he was then, reminded of how much his life had changed since harry had stepped into it. from the moment this curly haired, green eyed mystery had walked into his picture, his life had done a whole one-eighty degree. he'd been feeling actual emotions and feelings, his smiles were more genuine, maybe even a few laughs here and there, his confidence had increased just a little more from where it used to be. and he was, dare he say it... happier. fuller. better. 

he knew that harry's life wasn't all rainbows and unicorns, he had a dark side to him too. but he always had it concealed. the difference was that he chose not to bask in his sorrow and put on a smile and make others happy, which was what he adored so much about him. he found it so ridiculously weird, also cliche, how two broken dark souls could heal and bring so much happiness to each other.

he gets off his bed at once, grabs his phone, shoves his shoes on and starts off towards harry's house. what made him do this was the realisation that everyone in this world was eventually going to hurt you, you just had to find the one worth it. and maybe, harry was the one. he didn't care about anything else except that he wasn't going let this one chance at happiness escape him.

he reached harry's doorstep in no time since he had pretty much run all the way. on ringing the doorbell, his sister, gemma informs him of harry's absence at the house, with a glare and louis turns away disappointed. he calls zayn, liam and niall too only to be met with the same response. 

thinking of the only other place he'd find harry, he sets off to the little clearing by the lake harry liked to spend his, as he claimed, 'quality alone time' at. and indeed on reaching the area, dimly lit with a flickering streetlight, curly sat alone on a bench, facing the lake behind the barriers, enclosed by a row of huge, green trees. he'd only been once, but the place looked ever so scenic; no wonder harry would sometimes spend hours just by himself here. 

not really knowing what to do or say, louis silently makes his way through the tall grass and seats himself next to harry, keeping his gaze on the ground. he looks up to face louis, surprised on seeing him, "lou?" he whispers.

louis looks into the blotchy green eyes. in the glow of the moonlight reflecting upon his face, louis could see the redness spread across his cheeks and in his eyes indicating that he'd been crying, his majestic curls framing his face, lips parted in surprise and just the sadness spread all across his face. he looked miserable, yet so beautiful.

"hey" he whispered lowly, failing at an attempt to muster a smile.

"how'd you even find me?"

"i just knew" he says softly. 

"look, harry, i'm sorry, okay," louis begins, gritting his teeth, "i completely overreacted and i shouldn't have run away like that- i just- i'm so sorry"

harry looks away from him, staring up at the clear sky, "it's okay, louis, 's not your fault" he replied. and louis knew it was not okay, knew that the very evident wavering, dead tone of his voice was solely his fault. 

"i-i didn't know what to do in that moment, harry" louis says after a moment, "you were saying all those things that i've wanted to hear from you for so long but i-"

harry's head snaps to face him again, "what did you say?" he interrupts, "do you mean-? no-"

"of course, i'm in love with you too, you fucking fool" louis breaks into a grin, "i may not have realized it but i've always been" he purses his lips, "i'm sorry for making you think otherwise" harry bites on the inside of his cheek, still staring at him in disbelief.

louis inhales deeply, "i was scared, harry. so scared of all of this. of all these feelings and i was so scared of fucking this up and i just-" he clears his throat, "but then i thought about it, h. i thought how i couldn't imagine my life without you anymore and how you're the first person i've even felt something for in ages. you make me happy too, h, and i honestly can't remember the last time i've felt that. and i just cannot let you go, but it's just-" he falls short at words.

"i know, lou, i know you're scared of getting hurt, we all are. but you can't let it hold you back from what you want forever"

"i know, h," louis gives him a small smile, receiving the same in reply.

harry shifts closer, lifting a hand to slowly run a thumb across louis' jaw, "do you trust me?" 

louis nodded, "with everything, h"

"and i trust you. we've got each other and we can get through anything together, yeah?"

louis' smile widens and he just squeezes his hand tighter around harry's, "you're the best thing that's every happened to me, curly" he says and watches as harry's face lights up literally like the shining sun, "i love you"

the look of pure joy and happiness and the genuine, breathtaking grin on harry's face was indescribable, and so were the feelings in both of their hearts. "lou, say that again" he says, making louis' face burst into a wide smile as well.

"i love you, curly"

harry closes his eyes, "hmm, can't believe i'm actually hearing that with my own ears, am i in heaven or what?"

louis laughs, full of fond, hitting harry's arm lightly, "you fucking dork, would you shut up and kiss me now?"

harry laughed, leaning in millimeters away from his face, whispering, "i love you too, tiny" before happily to pressing his lips to louis', cupping his cheek with one hand while louis reached up and kissed him back, tangling his fingers in the brown curls. the kiss was different from their previous one, while the other was rushed with desire and lust, this time their lips worked on each other, with the same amount of passion but softly and slowly, as if they had all the time in the world. they didn't know whether the fuzzy feelings coursing within them were the butterflies or the electricity in the air were the fireworks they'd heard and read about, but they reveled in them and each other's touch.

upon running out of breath, the two boys rested their foreheads against each other, grinning widely and raving in the blissful sensation and exhilaration of young, true love.


	31. twenty-eight

**21 June 2016**

****

Liked by  **theliampayne** , **louist_28**  and  **40 others**

**View all 12 comments**

**username 1**  beautiful 

 **username 2**  IS THAT LOUIS  
_Liked by harrystyles_

 **username 3 username 2**  JASHSJDGH WHAT

 **username 4** thank you very much for feeding my hand kink

_28 minutes ago_


	32. twenty-nine

**21 June 2016**

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **13** **,193 others**

 **louist_28**  Tonight, I finally understand why storms are named after people.

**View all 989 comments**

**username 1**  I love these occasional half coloured pics so much

 **username 2**  oooh i see

_40 minutes ago_


	33. thirty

**8 July 2016**

****

_tagged: louist_28_

Liked by  **louist_28**  and  **203 others**

 **harrystyles**  happy days.

**View all 42 comments**

**username 1**  you guys are so cute pls  
>>  **harrystyles**  love that for us x

 **username 2**  idk who you are but bro,,

 **username 3**  ARE YOU TOGETHER  
 >> **harrystyles**  he's my bestie, of course we're together 24/7  
>>  **username 3**  I MEANT ARE YOU GUYS DATING DUMBASS

 **username 4**  well, too bad you're not you totally should get together, make a hot ass couple  
>>  **harrystyles** we make hot ass best frens tho

_5 hours ago_

*

 

**9 July 2016**

harry comes bounding down the porch of his lovely house, before louis had even reached the gate. he was immediately engulfed in strong arms, cheek against a thin t-shirt and breathing in harry's cologne. 

"good morniiing" harry beamed, letting him go.

"hi" louis squinted up at him due to the sun shining brightly above them.

he swoops down to place a lingering kiss onto louis' lips before entangling their hands to begin to lead them on the way to university. he doesn't look directly at him, but louis doesn't miss the concerned glances harry gives him, obviously noticing his quietness.

it takes a quite a few tries for him to actually voice out the thought that had been bothering him all night, and he doesn't go about it in the best way.

"so what, it doesn't bother you now?" he says nonchalantly.

"what?" harry asks, confused.

"people, you know, seeing us, doesn't bother you now?"

"lou, what are you even talking about?"

he sighs, stopping walking to turn to harry, "i... saw your comment on your post..."

harry's eyebrows shoot upwards, eyes widening as he puts it all together, "lou, oh my god! no, shit, no!"

"i know you probably didn't mean it like that or whatever, but i can't help but feel that way and i feel so stupid, feeling like this because of a stupid comment but i keep overthinking everything and feel like you're embarrassed of me or something and just-" he rambles.

"louis!" harry makes him stop, "i didn't, yeah, i didn't mean it that way" he says slowly nodding his head along as if talking to a five year old, "look, i just said that because if i said the truth, there would be a lot of people who'd see it and i didn't know if you wanted that kind of exposure. you hadn't directly said anything and i just didn't know if you wanted everyone to know yet or not. okay? that's the only reason"

louis frowns, "just a little "hey lou, do you want me to say that?" would have sufficed, no?"

"i- yeah, but i guess- i didn't think" he shrugs and louis just purses his lips in reply.

"lou, i'm sorry, okay, i didn't mean it like that. nor am i embarrassed of you, god, how could you even think that? it's ridiculous!" harry exclaims. he brings his hands up to louis face to cup it gently, "i could never be, love. it's an honor, you know, a fucking honor to call you mine. i love you so much, and i'd literally go scream it from the rooftops if that's what you wanted, and i mean it" with the intensity that harry says the words and the way they echo in his mind, louis knows he means them.

he nods into harry's hands, "i get it, h. i'm sorry"

harry shakes his head, "there's no reason to be sorry, babe. just a misunderstanding, yeah?"

louis breaks into a smile, "yeah. i love you" he says, reaching up to place a kiss to the taller boy's lips.

"i love you too" with warm smiles on their faces, they continue on their way, joined hands swinging between them.

louis thought that was the end of it, but it turned out harry wasn't quite convinced. louis absolutely did not expect what followed to happen when harry whispered "be back in a sec" to him and the other boys seated around a table in the cafeteria for lunch.

he watches harry walk to the center of the room and drag out the nearest chair to climb onto it. "hello, uh, everyone" he says at the top of his voice, startling louis and making all the students look up from phones, meals, textbooks or mid conversations, "uh, i'm harry" he smiles with a wave, receiving a few "we know!"'s in reply.

"hi! i'm sorry to be bothering you but i have something to say. do you see that boy there?" he points out a hand, making people peer over each other's heads to get a look at a blushing, wide-eyed louis, hands fisting his backpack, "yes, the little one in black!" a few smiles and laughs sound through the room causing louis' jaw to drop slightly tilting into a smile, "he's my boyfriend" he announces following whispers and some "aww"'s. he catches louis' eyes once with a smile before looking back away, "yeah yeah, he's very cute. but would you believe that this morning, he told me he thinks- well, thought, that i'm embarrassed of him?!" he says as if it was the most bizarre thing to ever happen, "ridiculous, right, i know!" he shakes his head, "that's what i told him too. i also told him that i'd shout it out from the rooftops if i had to and well, even though this is nowhere close" he pauses for a second, eyes finding louis' once again, "i just want him to know, want everyone to know that means the whole world to me, that i'd do literally anything for him, that he's the best thing that's ever happened to me and that i love him so much" the audience replies with one half cooing loudly, clapping or hooting and the other rolling their eyes and muttering about cheesiness but smiling anyway, making harry fluster and turn look back to them, "well thank you for your time, uh, have a nice day!"

he waves once more and hops off the chair, kicking it back into its previous position. he walks back to resume his seat next to louis, smiling sheepishly.

"quite a show, harold" liam comments with a smile.

"more like so fucking whipped, harold" zayn smirks, shaking his head slightly.

harry opens his mouth to tell them to shut up but is cut off by louis' lips against his, instantly melting and smiling into it. pulling away, louis looks deep into his eyes, "i know" he whispers loud enough for only harry to hear, nodding a little, "and i love you too" he says with a squeeze of his fingers around harry's, sending warmth throughout his body and straight to his heart.

(they might have fallen for each other all over again in the moment.)

 

*

**10 July 2016**

****

_tagged: harrystyles_

Liked by  **harrystyles** ,  **_zayn.m_**  and  **146,876 others**

 **louist_28** Our minds were in the space, strong enough to defy gravity.  
Yet fell for something on the surface of the planet.

View all 12,689 comments

 **username 1**  OHMYGOD I CANT BELIEVE AFDS I SHIP

 **username 2**  he's actually with someone wow

 **username 3**  YAS its what he deserves be happy my love

 **harrystyles**  ❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> caption by my lovely friend :))


	34. thirty-one

**23 July 2016**

Liked by  **louist_28** ,  **theliampayne**  and  **210 others**

 **harrystyles**  he taught me them skills ;)

**View all 19 comments**

**username 1**  aww

 **username 2**  we love (1) photographer couple

 **louist_28**  they suck ://, sorry not sorry

_2 hours ago_

 


	35. thirty-two

31 July 2016

Liked by  **harrystyles** ,  **theliampayne**  and **9** **,627 others**

 **louist_28**  Just one touch and I was a believer.

**View all 280 comments**

**username 1**  hot

 **username 2**  they are so cute im dead

_30 minutes ago_


	36. thirty-three

**8 August 2016**

Liked by  **louist_28** ,  **_zayn.m_** and  **967 others**

 **harrystyles**  just him ❤

**View all 104 comments**

**username 1**  cuties

 **username 2**  ADSFHSGFKJL

 **username 3**  why the fuck is this faggot shit on my timeline?!  
 ** >>username 4** why are you even on this post? get your homophobic ass outta here.

 **username 5**   i don't want this for them these babies need to be protected

_3 hours ago_


	37. thirty-four

**12 August 2016**

Liked by **theliampayne, harrystyles** and **12** **,274 others**

 **louist_28**  i love the light in your eyes and the dark in your heart.

**View all 1,013 comments**

**username 1**  WHAT THE FUCKKASJ

 **username 2**  louis got himself a five course meal holy wow

 **username 3**  the caption and the picture IM DEAD THIS IS SO CUTE 

_55 minutes ago_

 


	38. thirty-five

**15 August 2016**

out of all the ways harry had expected a friday date night at the movies and then a club to end- an angry louis, sitting cross armed on his side of the bed and refusing to even look at him (looking so much like a kitten, it took harry everything in him to not wrap him in soft blankets and cuddle him) was definitely not one of them.

having changed out of his clothes and brushed his teeth, he gets on the bed, scooting close louis, sitting with his legs folded beneath him. "lou, what's wrong, tell me, please?" he repeated for what seemed like the tenth time that evening since harry'd left him alone at the club for five minutes after which every word of his was met with the roll of louis' sad, blue eyes.

this time, however, louis immediately turns his head to glare at him, "oh harry, why don't you go ask _charlie_ , huh? she'll tell you everything that's wrong" 

harry's mouth drops open, before he slaps a palm onto his face, "lou! you can't still be mad about that?!" louis, yet again, rolls his eyes, huffing and going back to glaring at the wall opposite to them, "i just fucking talked to her, a stranger! for five minutes, lou!" 

louis scoffs, "talked"

 harry laughs, actually laughs, "lou, you have any idea ridiculous you sound right now?"

"i sound ridiculous?" his hands raise in the air, pointing at himself, "you take me on a date because you wanna spend time and then you fucking push me aside and go flirt with some bloody bartender and i'm the one being ridiculous?!"

harry sighs in exasperation, "louis..." they are surrounded by silence once again. "should i- you know- maybe i should just leave because, well you clearly need some space so-" harry says after a moment, saddened by the early ending of his weekend sleepover at louis' flat.

 louis smiles bitterly, "yeah, why don't you? been leaving a lot lately haven't ya'?"

"i meant for tonight!" harry says softly, "lou, don't do this please... you and i, both know how much work i've had lately and we couldn't spend a lot of time together, but you said it was okay, you said, lou, now you can't blame-"

"you can, you know, leave? if you're finally done with my shit, just say the word and go" louis almost-whispers.

that's when harry realizes. "this is really not about tonight, is it? in fact, this is you having something else on your mind, and taking it out on me so that you can push me away and you don't have to talk about it, isn't it?" he asks, moving closer to look into louis' eyes, "and i don't know why you keep doing that. even though i've told you a hundred times i'm not going anywhere. what is it, lou? you know you can tell me" he tries.

louis' expression softens as he turns to stare at harry for a few seconds, and harry thinks he might finally resolve, "you don't know what you're talking about" he says, turning away again.

harry backs away, "i do" he says, nodding slowly, "i do"

"whatever, harry" louis says in an annoyed tone.

harry sighs, shrugging, "okay, whatever. i'm not going anywhere, you can talk to me if you decide to, whenever, you know i'm here to listen" 

he scoots down the bed, lying on his side facing louis and placing an arm under his head, "night, lou" he whispers and shuts his eyes, attempting to sleep.

under the effect of alcohol and tired muscles, sleep doesn't take very long to overtake his senses; so harry's really not sure if the feeling of fingers combing through his hair and a little body slipping into his arms and of soft lips pressed onto his forehead was a dream or not.

*** * * ***

the next morning louis wakes up cold at 10 am, to an empty bed, his partly dark room and sadness, guilt, anger, regret, fear all washing over him simultaneously. he lies there for a moment, waiting for the panic and heartbreak of harry leaving him for real to sink in before he hears soft clinking sounds and hums from what he supposes could be the kitchen. he sits up so fast, he might have fractured his spine but he couldn't care less as he dashes to the kitchen, heart leaping to his throat.

"harry!" louis exclaims from the doorframe, as if finding his boyfriend, whisking a mixture atop the counter in his kitchen was the last thing he had ever expected.

louis has his arms wrapped around his waist and face buried in his curls falling onto his shoulders before harry has even fully turned around.

"oof" harry grunts, letting go of the whisk in the bowl to bring his arms around louis.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm so, so sorry, i'm sorry h-"

"hey, hey" harry cuts off his rambling, slightly pushing him back by the arms to look into his glazed over blue eyes with a smile, "good morning?"

louis frowns, shaking his head, "no, no harry, nothing's fucking good, i'm so sorry, i'm so-"

"lou, shh" harry tightens his grip on his waist, easily lifting and seating him up onto the counter causing louis to catch onto his bicep, eyes wide and mouth slightly open in surprise, "shut up!" he smiles encouragingly, "lou, it's- it's okay"

"no! it's not okay! i said those god awful things to you and i hurt you because i was being a complete asshole and it's not okay and i'm so sorry. i swear i didn't mean a single thing, i don't know what the fuck happened to me and why i did that. you were right, i was just pushing you away, and _i'm so sorry, h,_ i'm rea-"

"baby, i know" harry cuts him off once again, placing a palm against his cheek, "i know you didn't mean any of it and i know you're sorry. and that's why it's okay. your head wasn't in the right place then and you lashed out and i understand that, lou. it happens. doesn't mean it should happen again" he gives louis a look, making both of them smile slightly, "but it's okay, yeah? i swear, it's alright"

louis nods reluctantly, throwing his arms around harry's shoulders and pulling him by his thighs in between his legs, trapping their bodies together.

"you know, h?" louis asks in a weak voice.

"hmm?" harry replies from where he had his face buried in the crook of louis' neck.

"you don't deserve this. you don't deserve me, you know?" 

harry pulls back to meet with louis' eyes filled with sadness. he opens his mouth to protest but louis continues, "you- you deserve so much better, you deserve someone who treats you right and-"

"no, stop, stop" harry shakes his head, moving backwards, "you don't get to do this, lou. you don't get to tell me what and who i deserve. you can't decide for me. you can't tell me that i don't deserve the most wonderful, amazing, strongest person i've ever known. you can't say that you don't treat me right or care for me because i've never felt better than when i'm with you. you tell me that i'm the best thing to ever happen to you, right? what makes you think that you aren't that for me too?" 

he moves closer once again, causing louis to look up , through his eyeslashes, now with a somber expression, "and it doesn't matter okay? it doesn't matter whether i deserve you or not because i _need_ you anyway. and you're right here, aren't you?" he smiles, louis attempting to do the same.

he brings both hands around louis' face to cradle it, "lou, i love you, okay? and i swear i'm not going anywhere, yeah?" louis nods, "can you promise me you'll stop feeling guilty about this, please, please, lou?"

louis smiles softly, genuine this time, "i'll try" 

harry immediately grins, pressing a kiss to louis' forehead. louis leans forward, lips pouting to ask for a kiss, however, harry grimaces due to his disgust towards his morning breath and louis knowingly giggles before pressing his lips to harry's dimpled cheek instead.

"are you okay, though, love?" 

"yeah, yeah, i'm okay, i love you, h" he mumbles in between placing more kisses along harry's jaw, hands slowly moving up and down harry's chest.

"i love you too, babe, so, so much" 

as if on cue, something pings through the room, making louis jump in harry's arms. "oh look, right on time!" louis follows harry's gaze towards the waffle iron that had been set to preheat, apparently.

"louuu, you gotta brush and shower, quiiick" harry says, tugging at him, suddenly sounding every bit thrilled as he did when he'd promised to cook for him when louis'd told him he'd never had chocolate waffles complete with berries and ice cream- which, according to curly, was 'the proper waffle dish'.

"hurry up, c'mon, lou! i've been waiting so long for this and i'm about to have you absolutely blown away by the best waffles in the world" he says as he helps louis onto his feet, grinning like a child on christmas. 

"okay, okay, i'm going!" he exclaims. he begins walking out of the kitchen, but stops, turning back around to step towards harry, who was already facing the counter, hands moving around in various actions.

he places his hands in a steady grip on either side of his waist, chest against his broad back, standing on his tiptoes to reach up to the taller boy's ear before whispering, "you know, you could have me blown in other ways too later, by the way, i wouldn't mind" harry stills, hands coming to a stop and louis can't see it but he definitely knows the shade of pink his cheeks are. 

and with a light pinch to his bum, louis bounds off to the bathroom, a loud laugh echoing behind him, leaving harry leaning against the counter, shaking his head and biting his lip to contain his own laughter, entire being warm with endearment.

*****

**20 August 2016**

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **10** **,409 others**

 **louist_28**  to have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy.

**View all 695 comments**

**username 1**  they're so cliche and cheesy   
>>  **username 2**  ikr

 **username 3**  ^ what the actual fuck do you even mean. Imagine being that much of a sick person who'd rather see someone sad and depressed than get better and happy with someone they care about. What the fuck is wrong with this sick world.  
>>  **username 4**  exactly if you dont wanna see it why the fuck do you follow him get your ass the fuck OUT

 **username 5**  the picture with colour again ajshgd

_59 minutes ago_


	39. thirty-six

**31 August 2016**

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **14** **,398 others**

 **louist_28**  He was all the positivity in the world and I, a dark realm of negative.

**View all 789 comments**

**username 1**  that picture is beautiful wow

 **harrystyles**  well,,, negative attracts positive *wink emoji*  
>>  **louist_28**  im-  
                                                                                      >>  **username 2**  that was so lame but adorably hilarious at the same time

 **username 3** ^ i love them sm

 **username 4**  um no

_1 hour ago_


	40. thirty-seven

**1 September 2016**

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **9,390 others**

 **louist_28**  city lights and drunken conversations

**View all 290 comments**

**username 1**  this is so beautiful i cri

 **username 2**  oooh someone had a good time

 **username 3**  this is such a perfect picture, the city with only some lights, the sea, lil moon on top i stan 

_47 minutes ago_


	41. thirty-eight

**13 September 2016**

 

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **8,279 others**

 **louist_28**   When you photograph in colour, you capture the surface, but when you photograph in black and white, you capture the soul.

**View all 319 comments**

**username 1**  that is beautiful

 **username 2**  the picture just wow

_33 minutes ago_


	42. thirty-nine

**28 September 2016**

Liked by  **harrystyles** ,  **_zayn.m_**  and  **1** **2,478 others**

 **louist_28**  i believe in dark magic.

 

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and  **10,478 others**

 **louist_28**  but only,

 

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **11** **,367 others**

 **louist_28** the one you cast upon my heart.

_2 hours ago_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * three different posts


	43. forty

**9 October 2016**

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and  **14,379 others**

 **louist_28**  they say, "follow your heart", but when your heart is in a million pieces, which piece do you follow?

**View all 1,580 comments**

**username 1**  ok but how long did it take to get this pic  
>>  **harrystyles** he made me sit in that creepy ass alley for five hours  
>>  **username 1** oHYMGOD  
>>  **louist_28**  shut up,,, stop attacking me

 **username 2** so pretty

 **username 3**  im laughing so bad why are they like this

_1 hour ago_


	44. forty-one

**22 October 2016**

****

Liked by  **_zayn.m_** ,  **theliampayne**  and  **1489 others**

 **harrystyles**  this filter is so cool

**View all 59 comments**

**username 1**  which city has lightbulbs hanging in the street?

 **louist_28**  excuse me mr.styles that's my picture  
>> **username 2**  eXPOSEDt  
>> **harrystyles**  and what are you gonna do about it mr.tommo

 **username 3** holy shiiit h goin down today  
>> **louist_28** he did ;))  
>> **username 3** AND WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION   
>> **username 4** they're wildin' today lmao

_4 hours ago_


	45. forty-two

**8 November 2016**

Liked by **louist_28, theliampayne** and **2,189 others**

 **harrystyles**  hi.

**View all 229 comments**

**username 1**  awee

 **irxhmxfo** MY BABIES  
>>  **harrystyles** pls no

 **username 2**  rt your otp

_3 hours ago_


	46. forty-three

**19 November 2016**

  

 **tagged:**   **louist_28, harrystyles**

❤  **998** **,634 likes**

 **gaystagram** **@louist_28**  and  **@harrystyles**  are our new fave couple and our hearts can't get enough of this young love!

**View more comments**

**username 1**  why are we stanning random GAY people again?   
 **> > username 2** if you have nothing nice to say, shut up, why even bother?? p.s. the acc is called GAYstagram if you were too blinded by your homophobia.

 **username 3**  omg cutiiies  **@louist_28**

 **username 4**  who?

 **username 5**  pfft another social media trend for kids these days

 **username 6**  the one on the left is cute

 **username 7**  yas the hottest couple on instagram

* * *

 

_direct messages_

_from: louist_28_

_to: gaystagram (1,476,392 followers)_

 

__

 


	47. forty-four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> louis and harry have their first fight.

**3 December 2016**

the first week of december brought a chaotic but enchanted, rosy winter, harsher, blustery winds, layers and layers of white powdery flakes, runny noses and chapped lips and- louis and harry's first argument.

(not that they didn't bicker- in some sense romantically and childishly- about the smallest of things, but those always ended in feverish and sometimes apologetic kisses and fond cuddles, this one, however- didn't.)

hugging his jacket tighter, louis knocked on the door of the styles' household and enters on hearing the familiar 'come in'. the sweet fragrance of another one of harry's mother's delicacies welcomes him as he removes his snow-covered shoes on the rug by the door, and he follows it to the kitchen where he spots anne afront the counter.

"hi louis" she greets.

he goes up to her, sliding an arm around her shoulders, "what's up, mama styles?" he smiles at her. anne had been more of a mother to louis in just the few months he'd known her than his own mother could have been in the short ten years he had her, and they'd quickly reached this level of an easement with each other. whether it was watching movies curled up to harry's side, trying out anne's endless bakes or playing scrabble with gemma and harry, they had truly shown louis the meaning of a family.

"just found this great recipe for honey muffins and thought i'd try them out" she smiles warmly, gesturing to the half-filled cupcake moulds. 

"ooh, looks good," louis says, running his finger all along the rim of the batter bowl to scoop some batter and pop it into his mouth, "tastes even better"

anne smiles before pulling it away from him, "and you're gonna be a good boy and not eat up all the batter" she scolds, and louis pouts cheekily, "you're gonna go up to harry's room and i'll bring them up to you all in a few" 

louis grins, pressing a kiss to her cheek and bounding up the stairs to harry's room. his favourite sound in the whole wide world, the one of harry's laugh, hits him as he steps through the open door, a smile quickly spreading over his face. he spots the head of wild curls leaning against the headboard, looking adorably small and soft in an oversized jumper, eyes holding the same glint that had lit up louis' life, fixated on gemma sprawled next to him.

"louis!" she exclaims on noticing him, making harry turn over as well. something changes in his eyes, something so minute, only louis would notice, but it was there- in a bad way. he ignores the slight pang in his chest and walks over to them anyway. "so you're alive. i hadn't seen you for almost a week, haz was not on his phone every waking second, was seriously beginning to question your existence" she adds, cheekily.

"nice to see you too, gem" louis sarcastically remarks, and she playfully sticks her tongue out at him. 

"hey" harry says, sitting up with his legs crossed now, making louis turn to him.

"hi" he replies, moving forward, his knees sinking into the mattress, meeting harry's lips with his own. he immediately feels the warmth rush over him, as harry cups his cheek lightly and louis' fingers fit into his curls. they both smile at gemma's grumbling in the background as she stomps out of the room. 

louis could tell something was definitely wrong as they detached and he sat before harry, who wouldn't pick his gaze from his lap.

"what's wrong?" he asked gently, and harry's eyes snapped up to him, slowly blinking, like a deer caught in headlights.

his stature disappears as quick as it came, masked by another smile, "nope, nothing" 

"harry" louis says softly, placing a hand above his. harry grits his teeth, staring back into his lap. he sighs, reaching out for his phone under the pillow, he unlocks it, taps onto something and tosses it to him. louis feels the dread wash over him as he blinked down on the screen because he knew this was bound to come up sooner or later. he knew it from the look on harry's face the first time they saw the post, and how they'd nonchalantly dismissed the topic.

"i asked them to get it off" he replies weakly, staring back at the specific instagram post about them from two weeks ago. "i thought we were over this" he mumbles.

"did you see the comments?" harry says in a bitter tone.

"yes" louis replies, moving closer, "but, h, you can't let that get to you. it's just a few random people bullshitting" he places his hand in harry's whose thumb tightens around his knuckles.

"i know, lou, i know it's the internet and i shouldn't let it get to me. but i can't- i can't stop thinking about it" he pauses, his eyes glazed over, "people, whom i don't even know are, like, talking about me. i feel exposed and-and... i know it's stupid but i just-"

"it's not stupid" louis grit through his teeth, "it's because of me and i'm sorry, so sorry" his voice cracks, tears pathetically threatening to spill any moment. sorry for being happier than he's allowed to.

harry stays silent, staring into oblivion, his breathing heavy. their hands still tightened around each others was the only thing stopping louis from breaking right there and then. 

"what if we really are not right for each other?" harry says suddenly, his voice barely above a whisper.

louis' head shakes frantically as he cups harry's face with his other hand, making him look up, "you can't say that, harry. you can't let a random bunch of fucking strangers tell you what is right for you and what is not. we know that we're right, we're good-perfect for each other, and that's what matters"

a silence falls upon them again, and it's the kind that's killing louis. he suddenly can't see harry anymore, it's like he's tucked away behind all those walls once more. he can't look into his eyes and see what he's thinking. he's right here but so fucking far away and louis simply couldn't reach him.

"lou, i love you so much" harry starts after awhile, "but i just- i think that we-"

"so that is what this was about? you are breaking up with me" louis says, more like a statement, backing away but harry's fingers tighten around his.

"no, louis, god, no. i'm not breaking up with you... i just, maybe we- we should take, like, some time... to- just, think" he says slowly, each word like a dagger to louis' heart. he'd rather get run over by a truck ten times than hear this from harry. 

"to think about what?" louis chokes, immediately swallowing the lump forming in his throat. he wouldn't allow himself to cry and breakdown right now.

"just- i-... i don't know" harry says, his hand running through his hair, pulling at his roots.

"god, you never know harry!" 

"oh is it my fault I feel like this because your followers are talking shit about us because of your instagram account? is it?!" harry bites back.

"well, i didn't post those pictures, in fact, you did! neither were they my followers" he spits in a fit of rage, instantly regretting it. he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, suppressing the few tears that rested on the brink.

harry grits his teeth, a tear escapes his eye but he quickly wipes it off before louis opens his eyes, the blue orbs filled with despair. "it isn't your fault, h it's mine and i'm so fucking sorry"

harry falls silent once more. "lou, i- i think we should just- like, take some time, and space" his shaky voice utters.

louis nods, pulling his hands back, running them over his face, "yeah, space... time- i can give you that, yeah, yeah, absolutely" he rants, almost like trying to convince himself, "how much?" he couldn't help but ask weakly.

"i don't know" harry whispers after a pause.

"right", louis nods once more, his teeth digging into his lower lip, "you know how this usually ends, harry" he says as his last attempt at saving this.

"it won't, i swear" harry replies, and louis could only hope that he meant it.

louis couldn't bear just sitting there and having his everything taken away from him. he stands up, stepping closer, placing a lingering kiss to harry's head, "i love you, curly, now and always fucking will" he whispers. he had to. if this was the last time he got to say those words to him, he had to. he backs away, turning and walking straight out the door, not knowing whether the "me too" was from harry or a figment of his imagination. 

he descends down the stairs, his lungs feeling like they could give out any moment, he could hear the blood rushing through his head and was shaking. he stops at anne and gemma seated in the living room, looking up at him.

"leaving so soon, louis?" anne asks him with her bright smile. 

"yeah, i just- something came up, i, i gotta go" he mutters, practically running to his shoes by the door.

"you won't stay for the muffins? they'll be done any second now" she asks gently.

"another time, anne" he says, shoving his shoes on, ignoring the shout of his name from gemma and walking out the door into the cold, snow covered streets. to be honest, louis wasn't sure whether there would be an 'another time'.


	48. forty-five

**4 December 2016**

**❤** 1,383 likes

 **louist_28**  it all ends in tears anyway.

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	49. forty-six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "i promise."

**9 December 2016**

before harry, louis was like broken shards of glass, troubled, bitter and hurting everything and everyone who tried coming close. he ignored people as much as they loved to ignore him, he photographed, went to uni, went to work, and battled all his demons. alone. that's what he thought his happiness was. he wasn't meant to have the good things like others. 

but the moment this enchanting eyed and bright smiled boy, the human embodiment of happiness, had walked in, it seemed like louis' life was in his hands and suddenly all the broken pieces of louis were beginning to hold some meaning. but now harry was letting go of him and louis was falling out, confused and obfuscated, like grains of sand tumbling to the floor. 

he was losing his mind obsessively staring at the blank screen of his phone, waiting for just one call, one text, even if it was one of those emojis or the pouty selfies or the miss you's (even though they'd seen each other just 2 hours ago) harry used to send him randomly through the day. when he couldn't bear the incessant urge to call him nagging at him for the past six days anymore, he gives in. taking a deep breath, he taps onto harry's name, holding the phone to his ear, chewing at his nails nervously.

what does harry do? he disconnects the fucking call.

he tries once again only to receive the same response. louis felt like he could die that very second. his head felt light, making his vision blur. he felt bile rise in his throat and the pressure build on his chest. 'he's just busy, stop freaking out, you dumb twat" he told himself but it was even worse than just a pathetic attempt at convincing himself. his throat ran dry, eyes welling with tears.

he got off his bed, stumbling to the window, whipping it open and breathing in the icy blaze of wind that enters his room. a tear rolled down his parched cheek. he doesn't even stop it from overcoming him. he doesn't have the will nor the strength to.

he slid down the wall next to him, a few more tears falling down his cheeks as he tried his best to squeeze some air into his constricted lungs. his whole body was trembling and he was biting down hard on his lip, despite the coppery taste of blood lacing his mouth. his vision was almost dark and it seemed like there were faint voices whispering into his head, each one stabbing his heart.

a wrecked sob leaves him and he feels so pathetic and disgusting, all he wanted was to stand up and jump out the fucking window into the snow-covered streets right there and then.

the vibration of his phone still clutched tightly in his hand breaks into his thoughts and he manages to make out harry's name through his tears. his finger moves faster than lightning as he swipes the green icon, immediately holding the phone to his ear.

"hi" he hears harry's voice breathe through the speaker. 

"harry" he chokes out, leaning his head against the wall. more tears.

"lou? is something-?"

"h-harry, harry, ha-" he hiccups, interrupting his chant, "harry, i'm sorry. i'm so sorry-"

"louis! lou- listen to me, please, please calm down" harry's rushed voice sounds through his ears. "can you tell me what's wrong?"

"h, i-i n-need you, i can't- can't-" he stops, covering his mouth to trap the sob.

"lou, listen, listen" he says calmly, "babe, i'll be right there, okay? i just need you to calm down. please. stop thinking about whatever it is, love, please. just listen to me, focus on-" his voice gets cut short as louis' phone shows a 0% battery sign before the screen turns black.

the phone slipped from his grasp and he didn't bother picking it up. he kept repeating harry's words to drown out his thoughts, but harry. was. too. fucking. far. away. and the voices too loud.

he pulled up his knees so tightly to his chest, his muscles began to ache. he could still taste the blood on his lips and his lungs burned as if the very air he was breathing was poison. he could feel and hear his heartbeat throughout his body almost like serving as the background music for the voices sounding through his head.

he didn't know how he managed not to peel his own skin with his bare nails until he heard harry's knock at the door.

"lou?" he heard the soft call of his name echo in the living room. he wanted to reply, to call out to harry, to hold onto him and never let go but he couldn't. he stayed there, frozen. he heard the door open and shut lightly.

"louis? why's the door unlocked? what are you-" he charges through the doorway as louis looks up through his tears and harry's lips slightly fall apart at the sight. "louis?" he walks to him, falling to his knees beside him, "lou... are you- what h-" he falls short at words, surprise and heartbreak reflecting in his eyes. contrary to his emotions, louis felt like the angel of life had blown a breath back into him, just at the mere sight of harry.

he reaches out to catch the fresh tears that slid down louis' cheeks, touch as light as feather. louis clutches his hand, "harry" he croaks out, "harry, harry, i-i'm sorry, please, i-m" he feels another wave of hyperventilation hit him.

"lou, it's okay, babe, it's-" harry starts.

"harry, no, please-" louis shuffles closer, almost hanging onto him, "don't leave me, please, harry, i-i can't be without you, i'm sorry, h" he rambles, feeling light in the head.

"louis, shh, sh, it's okay, i'm right here, alright?" harry cups his face, bringing louis' eyes to look into his own. "breathe, baby, just breathe" louis lets out a shaky one, closing his eyes, "take a deep breath" he instructs in a calm tone as if talking to a child, and louis follows, "let it out" louis' shoulders fall as he lets out the breath, opening his eyes to look back into harry's.

"harry-"

"shh, i'm right here, love, i swear i'm not going anywhere, i promise, i promise."

louis sniffs, fisting his hands into harry's jumper and crawling onto his lap, laying his head on his chest, immediately surrounded by his warmth and familiar scent. safety. the bigger boy envelopes him into an embrace, raking his fingers through his soft hair, whispering soothing phrases in his ear. 

At long last, the demons in louis' head fell silent.


	50. forty-seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> louis and harry save each other, yet again.

the aftermath of louis' outburst was a blotchy nose, red-rimmed, burning eyes, a dry throat and common to both of their parts, feeling like absolute shit.

louis didn't want to pull away from harry, to look into those shining, emerald eyes just to see pity and sorrow for himself in them. he didn't want to hear something so painful from those soft, pink lips that would end his life right there and then. he just wanted to stay in this cocoon of warmth and safety, just a little longer, wanted to relish just a little more.

but the wetness seeping onto his scalp made him lift his head, looking up to see his eyes shut tight, tears trickling down his cheeks, bottom lip quivering. he lifted himself, standing on his knees, between harry's thighs, brushing off the tears.

his eyes open, scanning louis momentarily before he wipes his face with the back of his hand, looking away. louis steps back, sitting before him with his legs bent underneath.

"i'm sorry, louis" he murmurs after a while, gaze still fixed at the window overhead.

"for?"

"not being there when you needed me" he looks at louis for a moment before turning his gaze to the floor.

"it's okay, really, h" his weak voice utters, making him look back up, "when has anyone ever?" he whispers almost absentmindedly. the expression harry's face contorts into would be the exact picture you'd put next to the word heartbreak.

his hand gently slips into louis', and so do tears down his cheeks, "that's what i want to do, lou. i want to always be there when you need me, i wanna hold you when you're upset, listen when you wanna talk, reassure you when you need it. tell you how fucking beautiful you are every single day of your life and love you every second of mine" his voice cracks, but he continues, "but i don't know how lou. i don't know what to do. i just, those- those comments, i know that it's the internet, i shouldn't let it get to me, i know that you are worth so much fucking more. but i'm stupid, stupid, so stupid" he shook his head frantically, curls bouncing, "there were... people- strangers talking about me. i felt so exposed, louis, so vulnerable"

louis could almost see it in front of his eyes. his little, fragile harry, hiding in the likes of the dungeons in a castle, alone and terrified, feeling like the enemies would attack and tear down the castle walls at any moment.

"i-i was scared, lou. scared that you would realize we were not good-that _i_  was not right for you. i thought i could work it out if we were apart but i, fuck- i can't, lou. i can't fucking function. and being away from you is the worst thing that could happen to me. but i'm stupid. so fucking stupid" he spits bitterly, a hand tugging at his roots, teeth gritted angrily.

louis picks their still intertwined hands, bringing them up to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to the back of harry's hand. he once again shuffles between harry's thighs, lowering himself to his eye level and an arm is quickly, instinctively wrapped around his waist. he presses soft kisses to harry's cheeks, forehead and his nose, which brings the ghost of a smile to both their faces. 

"you don't have to do anything, h. don't do anything, just- just stay with me. be with me and we'll get through it all, just because we're together, your own words" louis spoke, his voice still raspy and shaky, "god, i suck at this" he mutters under his breath, before exhaling, "you're not stupid, harry, you're not stupid. being insecure is not stupid. having doubts is not stupid. and i don't know why you should. in us? never. h, you know that i love you, with everything in me. for the one hundred twenty eighth time, you are the best thing to ever happen to me. and i'm never letting you go"

the smiles, the shine in their eyes, the burning feeling in their hearts was slowly beginning to creep back.

"in yourself? you are the closest it gets to perfect, trust me. i honestly don't know what i did to deserve you. you- harry, you've made me feel things i thought i'd never feel again. do things i've never done before. you - you've made me feel like, after all, maybe i do have a place in this world. and it's right here" he gestures to himself wrapped in harry's arms, "and i'm so grateful, i don't think i'll ever be able to tell you and, just- i love you" he finally breathed out.

he felt like he'd spoken more in the past five minutes than he'd done his whole life. but the feeling of having it all out in the open, and much greater, that of the smile on harry's face was ineffable. so was it of being pulled by his hoodie to have his lips pressed against those heavenly ones.

he cupped harry's face with one hand, threading the other in his curls, as their lips worked against each other slow and soft.

"i love you too, so fucking much" harry breathed out, after they broke off. "and i'm so sorry, so, so, sorry"

"you better be" louis attempted a smirk before burying his face in the crook of harry's neck, hugging him close, as harry pressed soft kisses across his cheek, neck, and shoulder and gestured louis to lift his head to plant one on his lips. he studied harry silently as if absorbing the fact that he really had the privilege of having the most beautiful- inside and out- person in the world to himself.

"lou?"

"hmm?" he asked, twirling harry's curls between his fingers, head resting on his shoulder.

"where's your instagram?"

louis chuckles softly. only harry would think of something like this during such a situation. giving a shrug and small smile, he replies, "i deactivated. and i'm gonna delete it as soon as possible"

harry's eyes widened, "why?"

"t'was the reason for everything."

"lou, no. you can't do that. that is one of the most important things in your life, the thing you're most passionate about, the thing you love so much. and i will not allow you to let go of it because of me"

"but har-"

"no." he cuts him off firmly, "you will get it back"

louis blinks, before nodding quickly. he lifts himself up against harry, cradling his head and lowering to place a few soft kisses on his lips. their mouths moved against each other, unrushed, with utmost leisure as if they had all the time in the world, all worries and thoughts dispelled.

after they detached, louis spoke so soft, audible for only harry's ears to hear, "h, i'm yours, heart, body, and soul. love me and heal me or shatter me into a hundred pieces. i'll be right here as long as it lasts" 

the words seemed to embed themselves into harry as soon as they left louis' mouth.

"forever" he replied in a heartbeat because he'd never been so sure about something he'd ever said before.

"forever is a really long time, curly"

"and i want even beyond that with you, tiny" 

their lips collided once again, fervent and feverish kisses exchanged this time, tongues lapping with urgency, fingertips dancing across each other's arms; as if making up for all the lost time. 

"fuck, i love you, harry" 

"i love you too, lou, i love you so much" he breathed out in between passionate, fiery kisses, as louis' cold fingers slipped up his torso, making all the blood rush to his head, heart skipping beats because that's what one touch from louis could do to him.

somewhere in between of breathless making out and soft giggles, they eventually made it to the bed. in the few streaks of light that entered through the window, the floor was soon strewn with various articles of clothing, louis kissed harry down into the mattress, mouth and hands exploring new territories, marking, memorizing each curve, each flaw, harry reveling in his scent and warmth. the way their bodies fit together seemed like they'd known each other forever, while each other's names were cried out, every sound a promise of trust and love.


	51. forty-eight

**10 December 2016**

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **13,457 others.**

**View all 2,389 comments**

**username 1**  omg i was so scared after your last post and then you deactivated, so glad you're back

 **username 2**  YOU'RE BACKKK

 **username 3**  hope you're ok bub  
 _liked by louist_91_

_2 hours ago_


	52. forty-nine

**22 December 2016**

Liked by  **louist_28** ,  **_zayn.m_**  and **4,019 others**

 **harrystyles**  happy place  ❣

**View all 489 comments**

**username 1**  AW MY HEART LOOK HOW SOFT AND FLOOFY 

 **username 2**  i think something happened between them but i hope its all over

 **username 3**  happyyyy

_1 hour ago_


	53. fifty

**25 December 2016**

_tagged: harrystyles, gemstyles_

Liked by  **harrystyles** ,  **gemstyles** , and **1** **5,001 others**.

 **louist_28**  merry christmas.

**View all 2,128 comments**

**username 1**  MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO

 **username 2**  the santa hat awe my heart

_50 minutes ago_


	54. fifty-one

**25 December 2016**

Liked by  **louist_28** ,  **_zayn.m_** , and  **6,584 others**.

 **harrystyles**  Who is Santa's favorite singer?

**View more comments**

**username 1**  wut

 **username 2**  who?

 **harrystyles**  Elf-is Presley!  
>>  **username 3**  i- oHMYGOD  
>>  **username 4**  ok i actually giggled, you win harry  
>>  **username 5**  was this joke so bad it was actually good  
>>  **harrystyles**  see you're the only one who doesn't appreciate my talents ☹  **@louist_28  
** >>  **username 6** very disappointed  **@louist_28  
** >> **louist_28** tAlEnTs

 **_zayn.m_**  bRO  
>>  **louist_28**  yes, please save me.

 **username 7**  im actually dying

 **username 8**  Merry Christmas to you too Harry.

 **username 9**  your oversized sweater is so cute aw, happy christmas

_30 minutes ago_


	55. fifty-two

**17 January 2017**

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **9** **,020 others**

 **louist_28**  we found love in the middle of winter and while everything around us was dead, we burned hotter than a fire and brighter than the sun. 

**View all 558 comments**

**username 1**  holy shit man that's beautiful

_8 minutes ago_


	56. fifty-three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the moon and the sea were in love.

****

**31 January/ 1 February 2017**

they laid on the stretch of dry grass at the clearing that had been long claimed harry's. the trees and bushes whispered lowly as the cold wind rushed past them. but louis had never been warmer. louis- snuggled into harry's side, breathing in his minty fragrance, head resting on harry's arm that was bent under his head as well, harry's curls lightly tickled his cheeks, his fingertips dancing over harry's torso- had never been warmer.

harry's eyes stared above, gliding carefully across the stars, which shone brightly as freshly polished diamonds, seeming to be painted on the velvety dark curtain of the sky. the sight above was breathtaking and dazzling, louis had to admit. but louis only watched harry. because honestly? harry was the brightest star there'd ever be.

(and louis fucking adored stars.)

"lou?" harry voices into the silence, bringing louis out of his creepy staring.

"hmm?" 

"do you believe in soulmates?"

a few beats pass before louis answers, "no." he turns over onto his stomach supporting himself on his elbows to get a better view of harry's face, "well, i didn't, but then i met a certain curly head with the most beautiful green eyes" he purses his lips, giving him a playful look.

harry's face bursts into a grin in a way that could be equated to the blooming of a sunflower, reflecting in louis' face as well. they continued to look at each other as their smiles softened, eyes exchanging "you had to" and "i did" looks. 

"i do, though" louis clears his throat, "i do believe in soulmates. but just not the 'they're made for each other' thing. or 'whatever our souls are made of, ours is the same'. no, that's bullshit. i think soulmates are just two souls that, you know, fit together. they don't have to be made for each other, they might be just so wrong together, they might not even end up together, but it feels perfect. and that's, to me, all that matters" he explains and harry watches, absorbing everything in.

"do you think we're soulmates?" harry asks after a moment.

louis takes a deep breath, his gaze wandering far ahead at the swishing bushes, "i hope"  he looks back at harry, "but it doesn't have to matter." he lets out the breath, "i'm not letting you ever go anyway" he says while throwing his arms around harry's shoulders, hugging their heads close together, "because i, for one, don't know how to live without you" he whispers and harry's lips stretch into a grin once again as he brings an arm around to cage louis against his side.

louis finally lets his gaze wander into the sky, fixing upon the pale glow of the moon, "h, you know what i adore about the moon?" harry turns his head to face him while louis continues staring far up, "she's so beautiful, so stunning, heavenly, but it seems like she somehow doesn't know it. her light is always brightening up every dark crevice on the earth. and she's always there, even when she doesn't make it known, she's always there. people look up to her, people wanna be like her. but she has a dark side too. she has scars too. she has all these fears and insecurities and doubts but she doesn't show anyone an ounce of it. she just keeps shining down on us. and i think that's fucking beautiful" louis turns his face to meet harry's eyes, "you're like the moon, h"

harry's careful expression softens into a small smile. he stares at louis with the same look for a few seconds, before turning to look up, eyes shut and lips pursed in the most adorable way, "hmm, louuu, you're like..." he turns back with a smile, "you're like, the sea" louis lifts an eyebrow, smile taking over his own lips, "you're like, so mighty and strong and rough on the outside, some might even say intimidating and scary. but when you take time to look inside, there are so many beautiful things, it's like a whole another world. and even though you might not know, people do understand you, lou"

louis replies with a gentle smile, picking up their intertwined hands, that had somehow found their way to each without either's notice and placing a soft kiss where harry's fingers fit perfectly into his.

(the moon and the sea were in love.)

"so," they turn to each other, harry's eyes holding a mischievous glint, "the moon and the sea- are meant to be!" he says in delight, lips harboring a fit of giggles.

louis turns over, their torsos almost on top of each other, with wide eyes and an open mouth, "goddamn, styles! and it thought i was the poetic one here!" he exclaims sarcastically, making harry's body convulse with a splutter of giggles underneath him, joined by his own chuckles.

"i love you so much, dork" he lowered his head to close the distance between them, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, and harry wastes no time in happily complying.

"i love you" harry breathes into his mouth when they draw back to catch their breath. soon louis' fingers are entangled in harry's curls, tugging at the bandanna holding the mop back, harry's hands dipping into each curve of his back, tongues, wet and warm, fiddling with each other as their mouths lazily, softly worked against each other.

"oof" "fucking shi-" both their gasps are mumbled at the same time on being interrupted by a sudden vibration from the left pocket of louis' sweats where his leg was buried in between harry's thighs. louis quickly fished his phone out, fumbling to hit snooze and shut it off, not needing to see the notification to know what it was, before tossing it onto the ground beside. 

he looked back to harry with a sheepish smile before rolling his eyes and planting another kiss on his lips, "happy birthday, curly"

harry's laughing before even beginning his sentence, "i can't believe you had an actual alarm set!" 

louis shoots back a smug smile, "couldn't risk missing the most important day of the year, could we?"

"thank you, i fucking adore you, tiny" louis ignores everything that statement does to his heart and dips his head to attach their lips once again.


	57. fifty-four

**1 February 2017**

Liked by  **harrystyles** ,  **_zayn.m_**  and **1** **4, 569 others**

**View all 3,385 comments**

**username 1**  holy wow

 **username 2**  colour again!! this is amazing

_4 hours ago_


	58. fifty-five

**22 February 2017**

Liked by  **harrystyles** ,  **_zayn.m_**  and  **15,587 others**

 **louist_28**  with shortness of breath, i'll explain the infinite.

**View all 3,683 comments**

**username 1**  the picture... im fucking speechless

 **username 2**  I STAN TALENT

 **username 3**  fucking art

_1 hour ago_


	59. fifty-six

**7 March 2017**

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **13,589 others**

 **louist_28**  We're quotation marks, inverted and upside down, clinging to one another at the end of this life sentence. Trapped by lives we did not choose.

**View all 890 comments**

**username 1**  damn thats deep

 **harrystyles**  well then you're one of those cute bubble ones  
                          >>  **username 2**  i actually awed out loud you're so precious  
                       >> **username 3**  where can i buy myself a harry styles pls

_59 minutes ago_

 


	60. fifty-seven

**21 March 2017**

Liked by  **harrystyles** and **10** **, 294 others**

 **louist_28**  Poor little white rabbit,  
    so lost in time,  
                              you lost track of everything else  
             including your mind.

**View all 499 comments**

**username 1**  someone watched alice in wonderland, i see

 **username 2**  why did i never learn to ride a bicycle again?

_34 minutes ago_


	61. fifty-eight

**10 March 2017**

**Tagged:** __zayn.m_, theliampayne, harrystyles_

Liked by  **harrystyles, _zayn.m_** ,  **theliampayne** and **19,486 others**

**View all 6,448 comments**

**username 1**  👀 

 **username 2** awww

 **username 3** cuuuute omg

 **username 4** was it a double date aw

_3 hours ago_


	62. fifty-nine

**1 May 2017**

Liked by **harrystyles** and  **20,596 others**

 **louist_28** the universe took its time on you  
crafted you precisely  
so you could offer the world  
something distinct from everyone else  
so when you doubt  
how you were created  
you doubt an energy greater than us both

**View all 9,389 others**

**username 1** holy fuck

 **username 2** an angel???  
>> **username 3** yes straight from heaven

 **username 4** louis get your man, everyone's out here thirsting for him

 **username 5** ok but the caption im in love

_4 hours ago_


	63. sixty

**22 May 2017**

Liked by **harrystyles** ,  **theliampayne**  and **11,384 others**

 **louist_28** I'll plant a row of daisy seeds,  
In the space below each eye,  
So they'll remind you of your beauty,  
When they bloom each time you cry.

**View all 323 comments**

**username 1** prettyyy

_43 minutes ago_


	64. sixty-one

**22 May 2017**

          

Tagged:  _louist_28, irxshmxfo, _zayn.m_, theliampayne_

Liked by  **louist_28** ,  **theliampayne** and **3,597 others**

 **harrystyles** OT5 ✌

**View all 21 comments**

**username 1** y'all should get into a band it'd be cool  
>> **_zayn.m_** except we can't sing for shit  
>>  **irxshmxfo** talk about yourself malik, you're looking at the next michael jackson here

 **username 2** someone get me friends too

_49 minutes ago_


	65. sixty-two

**19 June 2017**

****

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and  **16,389 others**

 **louist_28**  i only ever thought,  
there were two kinds of loves:  
the kind you would kill for and  
the kind you would die for.  
but you, my darling  
you were the kind of love  
i would live for.

**View all 989 comments**

**username 1**  holy shit

 **username 2**  h, spill your skincare routine pls, thank you

 **username 3**  he's so fucking pretty goddamn  
 _Liked by louist_28_

_2 hours ago_


	66. sixty-three

**10 July 2017**

****

Liked by  **harrystyles** ,  **_zayn.m_**  and  **18,278 others**

 **louist_28**  i do not want to have you  
to fill the empty parts of me  
i want to be full on my own

i want to be so complete  
i could light a whole city  
and then  
i want to have you  
cause the two of us combined  
could set it on fire.

**View all 3,484 comments**

**username 1**  i stan one (1) character development

 **username 2**  yes, sweetie, you're doing amazing

 **harrystyles**  however long it takes   
 _Liked by louist_28_  
>> **username 3**  pLEASE SDHDJHD HE'S SO CUTE MY HEART  
>>  **username 4**  HARRY AWWWW  
>>  **username 5**  im sobvinf

_1 hour ago_


	67. sixty-four

**16 July 2017**

****

Liked by  **louist_28** ,  **irxshmxfo**  and  **4, 389 others**

 **harrystyles**  ROADTRIIIIIP

**View all 29 comments**

**irxshmxfo**  YAAAS

 **username 1**  have fun!

_58 minutes ago_


	68. sixty-five

**14 July 2017**

****

Liked by  **harrystyles** , **louist_28**  and  **874 others**

 **_zayn.m_  
** stop  
/stɒp/

(v.) (of an event, action, or process) come to an end; cease to happen.

**View all 31 comments**

**username 1** noi-

 **harrystyles** fuck off zen  
(v.) (of zayn malik) to go away  
>>  **username 2**  JSKJSKDH DRAAAAG  
>>  **_zayn.m_**  love you too bro

 **username 3**  is harry on louis' lap omg aww im soft

_6 hours ago_


	69. sixty-six

**22 July 2017**

****

Liked by **harrystyles** and **95 others**

 **louist_28**  The first time we touched, it's as if a whole new world of galaxies had opened up, the universe conspired, the stars approved, the moon stopped hiding just to peer at us from above, and for the first time, finally, finally, something felt right.

**View all 8 comments**

**username 1**  that's deep wow

3 minutes ago


	70. sixty-seven

**22 July 2017**

Liked by **louist_28** and **1,172 others**

 **harrystyles** pretty boy sure knows how to click pics but not to pose for one ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**View all 308 comments**

**username 1** the pink hoodie with the pink background oh wow

 **username 2** ok wherever y'all went on that roadtrip is hella beautiful

 **username 3** yas we stan photographer boyfriends

_51 minutes ago_


	71. sixty-eight

**26 July 2017**

****

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and  **12,479 others**

 **louist_28**  They say that the world was built for two, only worth living if somebody is loving you.

**View all 509 comments**

**username 1**  OOH A FAIR

 **username 2**  ,,, i'll admit it, just been on one my entire life, absolutely hate rides  
>>  **louist_28**  oh look, there's more like you @harrystyles  
>>  **username 2**  SKSKSDH REALLY  
>>  **louist_28**  took me an HOUR to take him on a fucking ferris wheel, my hand's still numb  
>>  **harrystyles**  SHUT UP

 **username 3**  im laughing omg

 **harrystyles**  i still went :((  
>>  **louist_28**  for me :((  
>> **harrystyles**  for you :((

 **username 4**  I LOVE THEM AW 

_48 minutes ago_


	72. sixty-nine

**30 July 2017**

****

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and **9,378 others**

 **louist_28** Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,  
Starlight and dewdrops, are awaiting thee

**View all 199 comments**

**username 1**  i wanna learn guitar :''(((

 **username 2**  aww

_26 minutes ago_


	73. seventy

**3 August 2017**

****

Liked by **harrystyles, theliampayne** and  **11,578 others**

 **louist_28**  do you ever sit in silence and find all the things you ran away from never left?

**View all 382 comments**

**username 1**  i can't figure out whether that's ice cream or marble

 **username 2**  yeah, fuckin spiders everywhere  
>>  **username 3**  im laufhing it was an all serious quote and you're talking spiders dhfkfg

_53 minutes ago_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> photography by curly himself ;)))


	74. seventy-one

**12 August 2017**

****

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and  **7,289 others**

 **louist_28**  My body inhabits the ugliest of planets, but my mind wanders the universe.

**View all 273 comments**

**username 1** so beautiful omg

_47 minutes ago_


	75. seventy-two

**19 August 2017**

****

Liked by  **harrystyles**  and  **2,689 others**

 **louist_28**  falling for him wasn't falling at all. it was walking into a house and suddenly knowing you're home.

**View all 347 comments**

**username 1**  aww omg

 **username 2** what do i need to do to wake up to this view everyday

_49 minutes ago_


	76. seventy-three

******24 August 2017**

****

Liked by  **harrystyles** ,  **_zayn.m_**  and  **13,478 others**

 **louist_28**  The rain taps  
It's fingers  
On my window.  
It asks  
If it may   
Sing in  
My ear  
Until I   
Fall asleep.

I wish   
The rain  
Was you.

**View all 457 comments**

**username 1**  im so sorry :((

 **username 2**  thats so beautiful and sad at the same time

_2 hours ago_


	77. seventy-four

**26 August 2017**

****

Liked by **louist_28** , **irxshmxfo**  and  **3,489 others**

 **harrystyles** snappy snap ;))

**View all 267 comments**

**username 1**  he's so pretty omg

 **username 2**  aww angeeel

 **username 3**  how long do  you think it took harry to convinve louis to put a snapchat filter on him

_55 minutes ago_


	78. seventy-five

**2 September 2017**

Liked by  **harrystyles** ,  **theliampayne**  and  **10,367 others**

 **louist_28**  The sun wears your smile,  
The stars keep your eyes,  
Comet tails like pretty locks,  
Moonlight, your beautiful disguise.

**View all 493 comments**

**username 1**  i cant decide who's cuter

 **username 2**  omg, y'ALL GOT A PUP TOGETHER???  
>> **theliampayne**  hugo's MINE 😡  
>>  **username 2** ooh he's adorableee

 **username 3**  i want one too pls @ parents its been YEARS of begging

 **username 4**  ok but the caption, shakespeare is fucking shaking bro, louis is the king of poetry.

_1 hour ago_


	79. seventy-six

**15 September 2017**

****

Liked by **harrystyles**  and  **14,589 others**

 **louist_28**  The world's a warzone,  
But I've got a shield  
And I won't surrender,  
'Cause your love feels like  
an army of angels.

**View all 612 comments**

**username 1**  CAUSE THE FLAMES IN THE FIRE OUT WITH OLD  
>>  **username 2**  CAUSE I KNOW YEAH I KNOW THAT IM NOT ALONEEE

 **harrystyles**  great niiight ❣💖💞

 **username 3**  THE SCRIPT HOLY SHIIIIT MY FAVES

 **username 4**  a masterpiece.

 **username 5**  which song?

_1 hour ago_


	80. seventy-seven

**23 September 2017**

****

Liked by **harrystyles** ,  **_zayn.m_**  and  **16,467 others**

 **louist_28**  Autumn killed  
The summer with  
The softest kiss.

**View all 568 comments**

**username 1**  beautiful

 **username 2**  yas my fave season 

 **username 3**  fuck autumn it means HALLOWEEEEEN

_2 hours ago_


	81. seventy-eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "we have a date tonight"

****

**28 September 2017**

there were only twenty minutes of english class left to spare, when harry stumbled in through the door, interrupting the monotone professor and bringing louis' insistent bobbing foot to a stop. louis finally took his eyes off the wall clock which he'd spent glaring at for the most part of the class. the thing is harry was never late, ever, so it being the first time- though he'd prefer never admitting it to him- his concern was rational.

harry, on receiving a silent nod from the professor, crosses the room in long strides, to flop into the seat next to louis, dressed in a simple navy hoodie and black skinnies. louis gives him a sideways glance, lifting an eyebrow as harry presses a soft kiss to his cheek, earning smiles from a few students, a roll of eyes from zayn behind them and a sigh from the professor, because no matter how many times he'd asked him to keep his hands and lips to himself during class, the kid would never learn. 

louis brushes a hand across his fringe, sitting up straighter to fight his own smile of fond. after the professor goes back to droning on about the upcoming exam, he catches another glimpse of harry, who he sees taking deep breaths, a rosy pink tinging his cheeks, meaning he'd probably run all the way. he narrows his eyes at him, receiving a small smile in return.

louis picks up the pen lying next to his spiral notebook on the desk before scribbling out a messy ' _where were u?'_ and directing it towards harry.

harry takes the pen from louis, penning down a  _'woke up late'_

louis' mouth forms an 'o' as he nods. he takes back the pen, writing out  _'why? dreaming about me?'_  and smiling cheekily up at harry. 

he gets a  _'maybe'_  in a neat, slant scrawl. he looks back to harry to receive a wink and grin. 

they smile at each other for a moment more before louis softly clears his throat, turning to a different page of his blank notebook. louis so badly wanted to reach out and touch harry, kiss him, rake his fingers through his curls. they hadn't had a chance to see each other all weekend because harry and family had gone off to cheshire for a family thing on friday and only gotten back last evening. and he wouldn't see him for the rest of the day either because english was the only class they had in common was rather the buzzkill. 

the bell finally rings after what feels like ages and harry wastes no time in taking louis' hand, giving zayn one of those cringeworthy peace signs that were a silly symbol for acknowledgement among them as they pass by him, and leading them away from the dispersing crowds. 

caging louis against a wall, harry kisses him in a way that makes him feel fire course through each vein in his body. his hands instantly travel up harry's body to knot in his curls as harry's grip tightens on his waist. everything around them just dissipates as the tenderness and passion morph into something indescribable, the only feeling left in louis' body that of the warmth from harry.

when they pull away for breath, chests heaving in and out, foreheads resting on each others, harry whispers a "hey" into the air between them.

louis opens his eyes to stare into the green ones, a foolish grin spreading across his face, "hi"

"i missed you so fucking much, lou" harry says, nuzzling his face into the side of louis' neck.

"me too" he replies, hands sliding down to hang loosely around his neck. harry lifts his head to plant another kiss onto his lips. harry just keeps staring at him with a smitten look after he pulls back, and louis flushes a pink shade.

"why are you looking me like that?" 

harry's smile spreads wider, "because... no reason" he shrugs, "and because maybe i have something to tell you?" he says in a suggestive tone.

louis' brow arches, "and what might that be, styles?" he asks, tucking a curl of his hair behind his ear, where the bandanna was absent today.

"that we have a date tonight"

louis fakes a loud gasp, "and i'm knowing of this only now because?"

harry shrugs nonchalantly, "just because i miss you and we haven't been on one in quite a while"

"and what if i say i have plans?" louis says in a slow, teasing tone.

harry's smile fades, "shit, do you?"

louis giggles at his stature, "no, i'm kidding, curly" he reaches up to capture harry's lips in a soft kiss this time.

harry grins, shaking his head after they detach. "and where are we going?" louis tries, even though he knew harry wouldn't say a word, putting on his best pout and puppy eyes.

harry scrunches his eyes shut, the playful smile still dancing on his lips, "arghh, lou, no!" harry exclaims, making louis give it up and burst into laughter.

harry groans, leaning in to press his lips against louis' again, his warm, wet mouth stealing soft kisses. louis sighs as they pull back for air, "it was just two days, we're actually pathetic" he says, earning a chuckle from harry, and several kisses to his jaw.

harry places a palm to cup louis' cheek, feathery kisses trailing up to his cheekbones. louis' head involuntarily tilted to his touch. "h, we're gonna be late to class" he says, even though he could see most of the students had rushed into their classes, save for the few who had free, or were skipping.

harry replied with a low "mhm" joining their mouths once again. 

(they weren't late to class. they just ended up not going at all. instead, louis ended up being pressed to the wall of the farthest cubicle of the boys' washroom, and harry on his knees before him.)

*  *  *  *

louis was sat on the wide window sill of cake o'clock, the little, vintage bake shop located next to his apartment building. despite having done this way too many times, call it excitement or nervousness, he couldn't resist getting dressed almost 30 minutes before harry was supposed to pick him up for their 'surprise date'.

he was trying to look busy on his phone but was just reading harry and his old texts, doing a very bad job at concealing the lunatic smile on his face, his hair whipping across his forehead. it was average late september manchester weather, early fall winds pleasantly blowing past, leaves just beginning to lose their green, people coming to terms with their annual love for pumpkins and cardigans.

he looks up on hearing a distant click of the heels of boots on the pavement. harry ambled towards him, [looking like literal sex on legs](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/26/88/b9/2688b9dc7d8c769e35fff71b309af220.png), dressed in signature black jeans and bandanna, an unbuttoned red plaid shirt on top which he added a denim shirt, unbuttoned as well. the green of his eyes shines, a boyish grin taking over the rubescent lips on seeing louis who presses a thumb over the top of his iPhone 4, sliding it into the front pocket of his jeans. he jumps off his seat, dusting off his bum, tugging the strap of the bag holding his camera higher up his left shoulder.

harry comes to a stop before louis, eyes raking from head to toe, taking in his outfit of a low neck maroon sweatshirt with the tiniest rips all over and light blue jeans, paired with vans, "holy hell, lou"

louis smirks, despite the feeling warming up his insides, "hello to you too, styles"

he slings his arms around louis' waist, pressing a kiss to the side of his head, "lookin' so fuckin' hot, lou" he says, lowly.

louis leans back in his arms, smiling, "not too bad yourself, babe" he purses his lips, causing harry to giggle.

"sorry, am i late?" he asks.

"nope, i just had nothing to do, so i got dressed early" louis shrugs.

a dimple on the left of his lips deepens, "someone's eager" harry says in a sing-song voice.

"damn right, i am!" 

"aww" harry coos.

louis just shakes his head with a small smile before he moves a palm against the back of harry's neck, pulling him down to press a soft kiss to his lips, which takes longer than expected.

"come on, we're never gonna make it if this continues" harry grabs his hand with a smile.

"make it where?" louis tries.

"to... the venue" harry laughs, letting go of his hand to pull louis into his side by rounding an arm around his waist. "which is like, a twenty or so minute walk, so is that okay, or do we take a cab?"

"it is," louis says, trying to think of the places at the distance, "are we going to town?" he questions. louis never did well with surprises, giving or receiving, and harry excelled at them just as much.

"maybe" harry drawls, sounding like the mom replying to her child who'd asked for ice cream in return for eating his least favourite dinner.

louis scowls up at him just like the child. but one cheeky smile from harry is enough to quickly get it off his face. harry dives into a story about his cousins from the weekend and louis just tries to balance ogling at how good he looked and listening to what he was saying.

before he knows it, (well, technically louis never knew what was happening when he was with harry) they're standing at the entrance of a glass-covered, domed building. he's not certain but louis thinks it might be the manchester convention centre. 

"well, here we are," harry says as they walk in through the automatic doors, icy blast of air conditioning welcoming them. 

louis looks to him with a confused expression, "uhm?" he couldn't think of one reason they'd want to be here on a date. but then again, harry's mind worked in weird ways.

harry says nothing, only grabbing his hand before walking off and louis follows him through a door marked 'Hall E'. louis recognises it as soon as they step in. black walls arranged uniformly across the room, decorated with framed pictures, square and rectangle shaped, in straight rows or neat patterns, huge golden and white lights illuminating the [room](https://pier24.org/pilarafoundation/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/09_Inaugural.jpg).

"you brought me to a photography exhibition?" louis says excitedly, stepping further, "one of my favourite places to..." he trails off as he turns to face harry. he's staring far ahead, chewing on his bottom lip, as if looking anxiously for something. 

"that's not it, is it?" louis asks, making harry snap back to him.

"huh?"

"that's not it, there's something more" louis states.

"no, lou, what do you mean?" he shakes his head, "this is the surprise," he says with a breathy laugh. 

"what i mean, mr harold styles," he says, reaching to place a hand on his waist, "is that you have that face on when you're not telling something which means this is clearly not the whole thing so you better spill," he says, plastering a sweet smile.

"no, lou-" he begins but stops on seeing the look on louis' face, "fuck" he curses vehemently, "okay, close your eyes"

louis frowns up at him, "why?"

harry only sighs before his large hand covers louis' eyes, the other taking his hands off his waist, "just walk"

"ok, h, i'm scared now, what the fuck is going on?" louis replies but walks forward anyway, harry's steady hand on his hip leading him. 

they walk a few steps ahead, turning once before harry's hand leaves his face with a whisper of "open".

vision re-enters louis' eyes and he has to blink more than several times to make sure that it was really his vision. something he was seeing with his own two eyes. that he hadn't passed out and reached some unconscious delusion. because what he was seeing under a huge spotlight, in bold white letters against the black wall was his very own name. almost making his heart stop, a few steps closer confirms that the framed vertical and horizontal rectangles were, in fact, his own pictures, which he counted to be ten in total.

"uh, harry, that's my fucking name on there," louis says after finally finding his voice, "those are my pictures, what the fuck is- i-" he falls short at words, turning around. his wide blue eyes meet harry's delighted green ones.

"no" he begins shaking his head slowly, "harry, you- you didn't- no fucking way"

harry's face contorts into a wide smile, "i-uhm, i did" he rubs an area on his neck, "goddamit, you weren't supposed to find out like this, i couldn't-" he is cut off by louis practically launching himself into his arms. the impact almost throws harry off balance but he restores, both their bodies swaying in a bone-crushing hug.

"oh my god, oh my fucking god, harry, oh fuck, i can't believe-" to say louis was speechless was an understatement. "harry, you- you did- oh my god" he lifted his head, unable to form words, just staring at harry with his mouth still open in shock, eyes glazing over.

"don't cry, babe, please" 

"i'm not, no" louis shakes his head, smiling, "all happy" he buries his face back into harry's neck, "i- fuck, i love you, harry, i love you so fucking much, i love you" louis rambles, harry pressing a kiss into his hair, "thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much"  

they pull back, arms still attached to each other, and louis kisses harry hard and fervent until they're both out of any air in their lungs. when they detach themselves from each other finally, louis takes harry's hand, fingers intertwining, and walks them to stand before the pictures. 

"this is so beautiful" louis speaks in an awed whisper.

"yeah?"

"yes! it's wonderful" louis says louder, glancing at harry, "you really chose the best ones, h"

harry breathes what seems to be a small sigh of relief, "trust me, the hardest thing i've ever had to do because all your pictures are so good, had to stalk your account and camera for like, three hours" a frustrated shake of his head earning a laugh from louis.

it's only now that louis notices each of the pictures have a two-lined message printed in the smallest letters on white slips at their bottoms. they either explain the inspiration behind the picture, its theme or they're simply the captions with which they were posted on his instagram.

"are they okay? i tried to write exactly what i'd hear you say about them, but i don't know if it's right" harry asks when he notices louis reading the messages.

"perfect" louis nods satisfyingly, ridding harry's face of any sign of worry, "couldn't have done it better myself, love"

"you sure?"

"absolutely," louis replies firmly.

"well, you need to come sign some papers, you know, consent papers and stuff. because obviously," harry begins, rolling his eyes at himself, "they need your permission to display your work. and since it was supposed to be a surprise, i couldn't really ask you beforehand, could i? i had to beg them to let me off till before the event" he explains and louis nods understandingly.

harry begins to lead him back the way they'd come in, "you know, since that time you told me you've always wanted this, i couldn't stop thinking about it. i wanted to do something like this for you so bad" he says, louis remembering the moment perfectly clear when they were walking back from uni one day and louis had told him how an exhibition was, career-wise, one of his biggest dreams.

"that was really long ago and then this one time, in the summer, niall and i, we were hanging out in his car, and like, his uncle called, well, his step-uncle, he's an event manager and him and niall are super close, even i've met him two or three times, and they were like, talking about how he has something to handle here in manchester and that niall should go meet him and stuff, and somewhere along the conversation an exhibition for, photography was mentioned, and i made niall ask him all about it" harry recites as they enter a hallway along the side of a huge staircase, "turned out it was like a three day exhibition for new and upcoming photographers, exactly what i was looking for, and we told him about you and your photos and well, he agreed, said you fit all the criteria, asked me to send the pictures, i did. since he knew me, he managed to cut out a lot of expenses as well. we like, chose the layout and the design and stuff," harry says just as they come to a stop before a door, same as the earlier one, marked 'manager', "and that happened" he finishes with a grin.

"woah, thank you so much" louis repeated, "can't believe you had this going on for months"

 "can't believe you didn't pick up on it, i was being really obvious" he shrugs.

"well, you're really good at everything you do" louis grins, harry rolling his eyes, before planting a quick peck onto his lips and opening the door to the dark-walled office.

to no surprise, niall's step-uncle, mr kevin murphy, is a jolly, overly excited, french bearded and blond haired man, suited in a blazer and glasses, not looking any older than his early forties. he's more than happy to greet harry and louis with open arms, a "harry, m'boy!" and "louis, the man of the hour!!". after a bit of talk about louis' photos and how they'd done all of this, he gives louis a few papers to sign, grumbling about terms and conditions. with his promise to come into the hall in a bit and a clap to both of their backs, they leave the office, walking back to the hall.

the show was set to start at 6 and it's hardly 6:20, yet louis was surprised to see the number of people, besides the other photographers who'd been displayed, already loitering around, glancing silently at the photographs and moving on. he really didn't know what he was supposed to do, except stand on the corner of his display area, whispering nervously to harry each time someone came around. 

harry suggests they go look at some of the other displays and louis agrees, gazing at each one with the same amazement and enthusiasm. he definitely didn't understand when louis muttered things about the photographs, but nodded his head anyway, because that glint of pure passion in louis' eyes was his favourite thing in the whole wide world.

when they return back to his display area, louis identifies the woman eyeing his pictures as the executive editor of a pretty well-known photography magazine. an encouraging nudge and squeeze of his hand from harry makes him swallow his bubbling anxiety, as he walks both of them up to her while she notices them simultaneously.

"good evening, ma'am. louis tomlinson," he introduces, extending a hand, "nice to finally meet you"

she takes his hand, a smile appearing below her black-rimmed glasses, "ah, louis! hello, what a young, talented lad you are" she says gesturing to the wall.

"thank you, ma'am, you're too kind" louis replies. harry introduces himself as well when she glances at him.

"oh come on, just call me brie, brie morelli, i'm sure you know well who i am," she says with a grin and louis nods, "i've seen your instagram page quite a lot, louis, and i know art when i see it"

"thank you so much, really"

"i really adore your versatility, you know. most photographers just stick to one genre and to be honest, it shows their passion for that particular subject, not that it isn't amazing as well. but your ability to just capture anything and everything, on the other hand, shows your passion for photography as a whole," she explains, and louis nods one again, trying his hardest to act professional and suppress the joy coursing through him, "clicking pictures? anyone could do that, doesn't take more than a tap of your finger. but photography is conveying your emotions through those pictures. telling stories through them. even harder through greyscale, as is your expertise. and when i look at your work, i truly see that" she nods appreciatingly, "oh, and a proper model this one" she points to harry with a wink, causing both of them to laugh and harry to turn pink.

he shakes his head, with a chuckle, "oh no, it's all him"

"oh yes, i see that" she agrees, looking back to louis, "and if you are as quick on the uptake as i think you are, louis," she says, extending a card from the pocket of her blazer, "you're gonna send a few of your best pieces to my email and i'll see what i can do about that vacant intern spot" she says with a bright smile.

louis seemed to have gone numb because he couldn't believe what he was hearing. a few seconds of him just blinking at brie pass before a light prod to his waist from harry brings him back to his senses. "yea- yes, yes, sure, i will, definitely" he stutters, accepting the card. "thank you, brie, thank you so much for the opportunity"

 "you're welcome, louis, it was really nice meeting you and i'll be looking forward to those photos," she says, with a gentle touch to his shoulder. 

"you too, brie, thank you again," louis replies as she walks off with a small wave.

as soon as she disappears around the corner, louis falls into harry's arms, muffling a squeal in his shirt, sounding much like a thirteen-year-old fangirl. "can you believe that happened, h, oh my fucking god, holy shit" he breathes into his chest as harry wraps his arms around him, kissing the top of his head.

"i'm so proud of you, lou, so proud" 

louis relaxes in his arms, "i love you, thank you so much" he says, for what must have been the hundredth time this evening.

"i love you too, babe" harry whispers. louis pulls back, reaching up on his tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips.

"you guys will never learn to take a break, will you?" the all too familiar irish accent calls out just as louis gets back on his feet. they look up to see, just as harry had promised, zayn and liam, holding onto each other's waist, and niall beside.

given normal circumstances, louis would bite back a sarcastic comment, but his immense exhilaration at the moment just makes him run into niall's arms, "nini! thank you so, so, so much for doing this!"

"that might just be the first time you calling me that is a good thing" niall laughs, rolling his eyes. he'd once let it slip that he hated the nickname 'nini' and of course, louis had made it a point to call him that every time. he'd secretly come to adore it, though. "and i didn't do anything, it was all haz"

"whatever role you had to play. you know what i mean"

"hey" liam whines playfully, "we helped too!" he smiles, making louis lift an eyebrow. "with, uhm, emotional support" he offers and louis breaks into a smile.

"well, thank you payno," louis cheers, throwing his arms around him and zayn, "you too, z"

"proud of you, tommo," liam says as they let go, zayn adding a "very"

he follows them as they explore the wall leaving behind harry and niall to continue talking softly. 

"he worked so hard on it, you know, lou" louis looks to zayn but he continues to stare behind them, in harry's direction, while saying, "i've known harry a long time and i don't think i've ever seen him this excited to be doing something- well, excluding your first date, obviously, that was a different level," zayn says, looking back to him with an exasperated sigh, making liam laugh and louis to burst into a fond smile, "he'd just go on and on about this. it was always how 'it's lou's dream' and how 'lou's gonna be so happy'. and i don't know, man, he just put his whole heart and soul into it. an artist myself, i know how important this is to you, and to have someone put so much into it, it's beautiful and just, i thought you should know" 

louis bites his lip as if to contain himself from bursting with love and adoration and gratefulness for his curly-haired boy as he quietly says, "i do" looking to harry as he catches his gaze with a wide grin.

after some more of just exploring around the area and a visit from uncle kevin, niall suggests they go out for the night as the show neared its end, his words precisely being, "to propose a toast to louis tommo, the brightest photographer of our generation!"

despite their protests since it was a school night, they still end up in the nearest pub because well, niall is niall. louis didn't know where in between grimacing at niall and liam professing their undying love for broccoli and them forcing just one drink on zayn, he and harry had found their way to the steps outside the outworn building. louis, just having had a few light drinks, sat beside harry who had his back against the wall, cheeks flushed from being on the edge of tipsy, hair dishevelled in the most attractive way, smiling at everything louis said. 

"h, thank you so much-" louis says after a beat of silence passes.

"for the fifty-fourth time today, baby, you're welcome," harry giggles.

"i absolutely did not say it that many times," louis laughs, holding up a finger.

harry playfully rolls his eyes, "sure you didn't, tiny"

"ok then, for the fifty-fifth time, love, thank you so much" louis replies, squeezing harry's hand in his, "i don't know what the fuck i did to deserve you. but you're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. and this was the best fucking thing i've ever had done for me."

"that makes me sad, you know?" harry says suddenly before louis could start another sentence and he looks up to a conflicted look in harry's eyes, "you deserve every good thing there has ever been, all the happiness. but there was never anyone all your life to give you that, to show you how much you deserve. besides, this wasn't even that huge-"

"that wasn't huge?" louis interrupts, his face an incredulous expression.

harry purses his lips, "not when i wanna give you the whole world and more." he says, the look in his eyes the most genuine thing louis had ever seen. and louis was quite sure he'd died right there.

louis' mouth opens and closes a few times, not very different from a goldfish's, as harry's lips stretch into a dimpled smile. giving up on trying to form a coherent reply, he just nuzzles his face into harry's neck, gripping his arms.

"do you say this shit and expect me to be okay?" he mumbles.

"what?" harry asks with a breathy laugh. louis simply looks at him before lifting his hand to place on his chest where his heart was pounding wildly against his ribcage, almost threatening to fly out.  harry's smile widens as he bites his lower lip at the same time. he leans down to press a soft kiss onto louis' lips. 

"anything for you, lou" harry says softly, "always"

this time louis leans over to capture his lips in a kiss. harry happily complies, cupping louis' face like he was a fragile showpiece. he mumbles an "i love you so much, curly" into harry's mouth as their mouths break apart before cheekily drifting towards his ear, whispering "i'll show you just how much as soon as we get home, you know" hushedly, fingers squeezing where they were fixated on his hip, under his shirts. his face resumes its position centimetres away from harry's, as he watches his eyes widen and lips whisper a "fuck"

louis couldn't bring himself to care in the least that they were blatantly making out in the entrance of a pub as he joins their mouths once again and that he might as well have been straddling harry from how close they were. louis hated the taste of beer, exactly what harry's tongue was laced with, but right now, harry's mouth didn't taste any less than a heavenly elixir.

"can i get some help here or am i gonna have to wait until you both finish sucking each other's soul out?" zayn gruffly voices into the silence, making both of them jump. louis shoots a middle finger behind him while harry lets out a laugh on looking over his shoulder. with extreme reluctance, they detangle themselves from each other to walk over to where zayn stood at the entryway, a staggering niall and liam supported by each of his shoulders. 

the five of them manage to make it back to liam's car, fortunately, parked nearby. zayn drops them off at the gate of louis' apartment building, driving off with a "goodnight boys" in a sing-song voice, his smirk reflecting in the mirror after harry shoots him a salute.

harry's mouth was on his before louis had even completely shut the door to his flat. they stumbled to the bedroom, a disarray tangle of limbs, teeth and tongue clashing, bodies a personified form of fire. louis grumbled about the layers of clothes harry had on, hands doing quick work of stripping him of them as he felt his own jeans tightening immensely from harry voicing the most pleasurable filth, almost sinfully, into his ear. bare bodies against the mattress, louis mapped out kisses onto every inch of harry's body, each one seeming to pour his gratitude and adoration into each cell of harry's creamy skin. their bodies moved slow and sensual in between the sheets, promises of their love being chanted into each other's mouth.

(that was the day that louis, eyes watching the human embodiment of an angel, sleeping soundly, whose arms enveloped him, their nude bodies bathing in the serenity cast by the very first rays of dawn, was quite certain he was the luckiest man on the planet.)


	82. seventy-nine

**30 September 2017**

Liked by  **harrystyles** ,  **_zayn.m_**  and  **18, 579 others**

 **louist_28**  Dance beneath the stars  
as you drink in the night,  
let the thunder overtake you  
as lightning fills the sky.  
Feel the force of nature  
penetrate your skin,  
spin with the world  
as the magic sinks in.

**View all 1007 comments**

**username 1**  oh yeah that's absolutely  right photography's magic  a very beautiful one

 **username 2**  the caption makes me wanna dance in the rain oml

_1 hour ago_

 


	83. eighty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forever.

****

**October 2022**

for a person to whom, previously, the concept of 'love' was just another name for pain and 'forever' meant a void stretch of time of meaningless, excruciating existence, thinking of a potential future couldn't be easy. especially if it involves actually loving someone, wanting, needing them so much that you'd actually be willing to share the rest of your life with them, to be willing to bond into a relation of such high accordance as of marriage, was nothing less than terrifying. so naturally, the first time the thought occurred to him, it scared louis out of his mind.

 it was towards the end of his final year that harry had found him mid-panic attack amongst the unending pile of papers and photographs and folders, had wrapped himself around louis without a word, murmuring into his ear little reminders to breathe and that 'everything would be okay'.  _it was so easy when he said it_ , louis had thought later when he had his beautiful boy sleeping in his arms,  _it was so easy to believe it would all be okay, maybe not immediately, but someday. someday when they'd be married, have a house of their own, even kids, it'd all be perfect._  louis had flinched outwardly as if the thought itself had burned him. fearful as he was, he felt utterly stupid too. they had yet to finish university, find actual jobs, own an apartment and here was louis, thinking about 'forever'. he'd instantly dismissed it and the thought had deposited itself to some place far, far back in his mind.

it became easier to handle it with each time it resurfaced at the smallest, insignificant moments; when he'd wake up to (shirtless) harry making him breakfast, when they'd be doubled over in laughter playing scrabble, when he'd run his fingers through his hair with his head in louis' lap while harry tried to study, when they'd sometimes spend whole nights at harry's clearing by the sea; it eventually became less scary, more sure and every day with harry, each kiss, each memory made only reminded him of how much he wanted it. they'd checked every box of requirements that louis had needed to fulfil- having earned titles of _'chief photographer'_ and  _'biologist'_  and moved into a flat in a nice neighborhood, close to their friends, didn't have a single doubt in their minds about being 'the one' for each other- but that didn't mean louis was prepared for the desicion. besides they hadn't really talked about who was going to be the one to actually propose. those were the excuses louis had made to reason with himself why the ring he'd purchased four months ago had been lying buried deep in their closet. 

until today, that is.

"lou lou!" harry's sing-song voice calls out, the sound of the shutting door following. 

louis lets out a little hum, leaning forward to hide his face into a cabinet, trying his best to get the lunatic smile off his face, gripping the edge of the counter tightly to stop his hands from shaking. he shuts the door to the small storage space, keeping a straight face and turning around just as harry enters the kitchen, placing his clinking keys on the table, walking towards him.

"i haven't seen you all day, where have you been?" he whines, playfully, caging louis in a cuddle.

"where have  _i_  been?" louis laughs softly, brushing at his curls sticking out at the nape of his neck, hoping harry couldn't hear his heartbeat which seemed to be sounding throughout his body.

"mph" harry sighs, beginning to pepper kisses onto louis' lips and jaw. he was right, though. niall had whisked harry away right after breakfast on the lovely sunday morning, saying something about shopping for guitars and wanting to spend the day with his favorite lad and they hadn't gotten a chance to so much as text since. however, louis wasn't the one to complain, since he'd himself oh-so-kindly arranged it ("thought you weren't an absolute corny sap, tommo!" "niall, will you shut the fuck up and take him out or do i need to call liam?").

harry pauses to adorably whiff the air, eyes closed, "lou, you didn't have to make dinner, but it smells so good, oh my god" he moans.

"i know, i wanted to" he replies, attempting a smile. it was now or never. "although, i hope you aren't too hungry, because i might have something to show you?" he says suggestively.

harry's face brightens instantly, "ooh, what what what?"

"in a minute, h, calm down" louis says teasingly.

"louuuu, show me-" 

"yes, yes, princess" louis laughs, "c'mon" he says, taking harry's hand and leading them out the kitchen door. he takes a final deep breath before walking up to the door to the balcony. he could see exactly the confusion reflected in harry's face without even turning to look, as he slides the curtains apart and then the door. he brings a harry blinking with wonder and shock to stand in the middle of their compact but cosy balcony that louis had tried to decorate with golden lights, roses and candles.

"lou, we don't have a birthday or an anniversary today..." harry says quietly, "what..." he looks around as if at a loss for words.

louis clears his throat, smiling, "no, m'love, but i did promise you, six years ago today, that i'd be with you forever, didn't i?" 

harry slightly lifts his eyebrows as if to say 'how'd you even remember that?' and then louis practically watches the air leave harry's lungs as he finally realizes what's going on. he nods slowly, "always tell me that you'll keep it too" he says, biting down on his lip as if to contain himself from screaming.

louis' smile brightens, "well, i guess, this is me doing exactly that, baby. this is me keeping that promise" he looks down, picking the velvet box resting upon rose petals on a table beside them, his nervousness slowly dissipating as he slides his other palm into harry's, "this is me asking you to be mine forever" he says, dropping onto one knee, hearing the loud gasp from harry before looking back up, eyes boring into wide, sparkling green ones. 

"h, okay, i honestly don't know what to do or say. no, i don't have a whole corny ass romantic speech prepared, lord knows i hate clichés. i've been carrying this ring around with me, just looking for that "perfect moment" to do it, only to chicken out at the last second. so i didn't know if i'd have the guts to do this, let alone think about what i was gonna say. so please, you'll have to bear with me here. and h, i could've had that grand, extravagant proposal, with the restaurants and the pianos and all that shit but that's not our love, right? our love is- it's me cooking you this stupid dinner even though we both know how disgusting it's gonna be," harry frantically shakes his head at this, "it's fucking 3 am walks and mint chocolate chip flavor and pillow fights and making out in the back of movie theatres, those disney and marvel marathons and it's you singing me to sleep when i can't, sneaking into parks and ice skating and climbing a fucking mountain just to see the sunset and bathing with your fancy body washes and you modeling for my pictures-" his eyes were already beginning to well up, as he deeply inhaled, "and its so many more things i can't even put into words. i mean, it's also about trust and care and safety and all that emotional stuff but you're the reason i fucking feel them in the first place, h. i- i was just this numb, shell of a person walking around until i looked into your eyes and heard your voice and felt your touch and i knew what it was like to have life within you. i remember how fucking scary it was when i realized i was in love with you, when i decided i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but every time, i'd just look at you and know that it would be alright, that you'd make it alright. the world could be ending right now, harry, and i'd still think it's alright, just because i'd be with you" harry had both his hands covering his mouth at this point, tears streaking his cheeks, quite identical to louis' himself, "because curly, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. and i don't know what the fuck i did to deserve you. from the day i met you, i was sort of waiting for you to just be done with my shit and leave, but you proved every time that you were here to stay. and i knew that i could never let you go, either. because i can't imagine a single day without you anymore, can't imagine not holding your hand and not kissing you goodnight and morning every day of my life. h, i- i'm not gonna promise you that everything's gonna be okay always, that i won't ever fuck up again, i'm not gonna promise you that happily ever after, because, those are promises from fairytales- and ours is as far as it gets from those, we both know it, baby. but in the end we'll be okay because it'll always be you, i'll know that i'll always have you to come back to. i'll always come back home, and home is you, h, will always be, i promise you that. curly, you are the love of my life, my best friend, my partner in crime, my soulmate, my savior, my role model, my whole goddamn world. i love you with everything i have, now and always fucking will, and i can't wait to tell you that for the rest of our lives. so will you please do me this fucking honor, harry, will you, please marry me?" he pauses, before adding, "'cause it fucking rhymes", causing wide grins to spread over both their faces at the inside joke from years ago.

harry lets out an audible sob, hands falling from his mouth, "yes, louis, yes, yes, yes, yes yes, a million fucking times yes" he cries, reaching out for louis as he stands up simultaneously. with shaky fingers, louis plucks it from the box and slides the silver ring encrusted with three shining rose colored diamonds onto harry's ring finger, breathing relief when it fits perfectly. they wrap themselves around each other so tight that they can't even breathe, the only feeling in louis' senses that of being spun around in harry's arms and the 'i love you's being whispered into his ear while he replied with the same.

harry finally sets him on his feet, before he slowly lifts their hands that had somehow intertwined themselves, glancing at the shining band on his finger. "it's so pretty, lou" he says in awe, sniffling adorably.

"knew you'd love it"

"about time i knew what it looked like" harry mutters under his breath, rolling his eyes.

louis frowns slightly, "what... is that supposed to mean?" he asks, causing harry to let out a loud laugh. the gorgeous one with the dimples and the crinkles by his eyes, whose sound is the most beautiful thing louis' ever heard, the one that makes him want to melt in a puddle of fond every single time. this time however, louis only gives him an incredulous look.

"i knew, lou, knew you were gonna propose" he says slowly, looking as if he was harboring another laugh.

"you what?!" 

"i mean, i mean, i didn't know you were gonna do it today or whatever, but i knew- c'mon lou, it's not my fault you're that bad at surprises" he says. he purses his lips, reminding louis of all his attempts at giving harry surprises. he hadn't succeeded a single time, not even the smallest ones. harry'd always found it highly endearing, though. "like, did you really think leaving the receipt lying around in your camera bag thing was the best idea? i literally found it the next day!" 

louis pouts. "and, lou, i knew" he continues, clearly anxious from the way he bit on his lower lip, "but i was just kinda tired of waiting? like its been a long time since may and i just really couldn't" he pauses, extremely confusing louis by disconnecting their hands and reaching into his pocket to pull out the wallet gifted to him by zayn last christmas, "-stop myself from, just buying this, and" realization hits louis just as harry brings out a small, shiny pouch closed at the mouth, causing him to let out a "no way-"

harry offers him a shy smile, before procuring the shining silver, holding it in between them which makes louis' jaw fall completely slack. he intertwines their hands once again, "because, i just couldn't stop thinking about how pretty it'd look on you, and i just had to, uh, give it to you," he pauses, as if searching for words, "and like, i don't know what the fuck is happening right now, and i don't think there's anything more to say after that incredibly sappy speech you, so beautifully, gave right now," he flashes a cheeky grin, and louis wants to scowl at him, but just ends up smiling so hard, he's sure he fractured a facial muscle in the process, "except that, i love you, louis. you're the most amazing, beautiful, kindest, caring, understanding, strongest, person i've ever met, and i've never known happiness like i do with you, tiny, no one has ever made me feel like you do, like i'm the most special person on this planet, like everything's just perfect. and- and i could really never thank you enough for all you've done for me. and, just, you're everything to me, and i'd love nothing more than spending my life with you and loving you for the entirety of it. so, this is gonna sound so lame, and it doesn't even work like this, but, lou, will you marry me too? 'cause it rhymes, babe" he questions in an almost whisper into the space between them, which was close to none.

"yes," louis says wetly, "yes, harry, yes, yes, i'll marry you" he says, their grins only impossibly widening. harry wastes no time in sliding the ring onto louis' finger and neither does louis in joining their mouths. he cups his face, as harry's arms round his waist, lips working against each other soft and slow.

louis buries his face into harry's neck after they break off, inhaling him in and pressing a few kisses onto the smooth skin.

"i don't think i'll ever believe everything that just happened, lou" harry chuckles, bringing a hand to stroke louis' hair.

"me too" louis sighs, smiling softly, "it's because your boyfriend is an actual idiot, h"

harry giggles, whispering, "my fiancé" louis felt the heat creep up his neck, the label making him feel weird things in the pit of his stomach, "and yeah, he's an idiot but also the absolute best"

louis lean back to face him, "and you're an absolute dork, curly" louis chuckles, shaking his head, "and i love you so much"

"i love you, darling"

and just like that, every other thing in the universe ceases to exist, and it's just louis and harry, as louis kisses harry, both of them giggling like fools, stumbling over one another in attempts to pull the other closer, feeling near explosion from the amount of love and adoration for each other. it's just louis and harry, as they practically feed each other the lovely dinner louis had cooked, harry complimenting him too many times to count. it's just louis and harry, as they contentedly pour their love into each other's skin underneath the sheets. it's just louis and harry, loving, trusting, caring, guiding, hurting, healing, in happiness, in darkness, in sucess, in disappointment, in health and in sickness. it's just louis and harry, forever.

(it's the moon and the sea, against every abominable force of nature.)


	84. epilogue

**2 October 2022**

****

**Liked by harrystyles and 1,506,789 others**

**louist_28**  always in my heart.

**View all 894 comments**

**harrystyles**  i love you forever

 **username 1** CONGRATULATIONS OMGGGG

 **username 2**  HOLY SHIT MY BABIES SHDJKHDGK CONGRATS

 **username 3**  i really can't figure out whether to be happier about them getting engaged or louis' first fully colored picture ever

 **username 4**  Awww!! I'm so happy for you guys!

 **username 5**  so so so beautiful

 **username 6**  HIS FIRST COLORED PICTURE DO YOU SEE THE LIL RAINBOW MY HEART PLS CONGRATS

 **username 7**  having been a fan and following louis' photography since the very start, seeing this has me actually crying im so happy for them

 **username 8**  Congratulations!! im so happy  for and proud of you both

_1 hour ago_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyoneee,
> 
> so moonlight has come to an end, and i'm so sad, i'm gonna miss writing it so much. oh what a journey it has been! 
> 
> i know no one reads these annoying end author notes but if you are, thank you so much. thank you for giving my fic a chance and i hope i haven't disappointed you, i hope you enjoyed it, if you didn't, that's alright too. 
> 
> there's so many other people to be thankful for and i'm not sure i can even mention all of them but a special one goes out to my beta readers, my friends who've supported me through all of it, the boys, of course, and importantly every single person who has ever read even a word of this fic, left kudos, commented, or even just appreciated. i owe it all to you guys. thank you and i love you,
> 
> until next time then.
> 
> find me (if you aren't already annoyed enough of me, haha)  
> on twitter @lovershslt  
> or instagram @notyouronlyangel.x


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